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I was out too late last night and it was sort of a weird group, it was my dude and all his coworkers in from out of town, and I was the only non-employee and the only woman, and it struck me sort of weirdly at one point that only the first thing was odd. You know? I’ve been in a lot of situations in my life where I was the only woman and it’s usually weird, and at one point it struck me as weird that it wasn’t weird, last night. But I’m so sleepy I can’t really unpack that.
I’ve written 17k beyond the 50k I sent for beta on the star wars thing. But I’ve written myself into a corner. The characters are doing things for plot and not because they make sense. This whole time I’ve been bribing myself with a payoff of a fun happy resolution I don’t know how to write and can’t envision. I don’t know if I can get there from here. it is always very hard.
I bribed myself through the end of the day with the promise of ice cream for dinner, which I did get, with dude. And then came home and had dinner for dessert. It worked well and it made me feel purposeful and happy. I always feel bad when I can’t make myself make any decisions about food. So making decisions made me feel like I was doing The Right Thing, even if it was a silly decision. I didn’t second-guess it or change my mind at all, so that was Good.
I am still very tired but I think I may manage to bang some more plot into shape. i’m trying to make myself finish the second bit and give beta readers time before I come back to the first bit. The hard thing is keeping my conviction that any story really matters enough to tell, which I know is clearly a brainweasel kind of situation. But. I see rec lists and I’m never on them, I see other authors describe their process and it seems like it makes so much more sense than mine. It’s hard for me sometimes to think like anything I could ever do is important. I’m not fishing for reassurance so much as writing it down so I can see what it is that I’m refusing to think about straight-on. That’s what it is, and it’s kind of dumb, so there it is.
Also I have another fucking beautiful @artgroves sketch to post with a snippet and the original snippet isn’t particularly usable and for some reason I can’t bang out a new one that works, and I’m sort of uncomfortably gnawing on that and feeling bad. The other one has a lot of notes now and that’s a source of glee (and a moment of hilarity last night, as one of dude’s coworkers had encountered it in the wild and recognized that it was my work, and was like poe dameron, eh? and i was like yo i got needs okay, fictional ones).
So, maybe, someone help me with a writing prompt for Poe with a guitar, because I might just need to write a new chunk for it! I don’t know. Every other snippet I have relies too heavily on in-story context.
I was out too late last night and it was sort of a weird group, it was my dude and all his coworkers in from out of town, and I was the only non-employee and the only woman, and it struck me sort of weirdly at one point that only the first thing was odd. You know? I’ve been in a lot of situations in my life where I was the only woman and it’s usually weird, and at one point it struck me as weird that it wasn’t weird, last night. But I’m so sleepy I can’t really unpack that.
I’ve written 17k beyond the 50k I sent for beta on the star wars thing. But I’ve written myself into a corner. The characters are doing things for plot and not because they make sense. This whole time I’ve been bribing myself with a payoff of a fun happy resolution I don’t know how to write and can’t envision. I don’t know if I can get there from here. it is always very hard.
I bribed myself through the end of the day with the promise of ice cream for dinner, which I did get, with dude. And then came home and had dinner for dessert. It worked well and it made me feel purposeful and happy. I always feel bad when I can’t make myself make any decisions about food. So making decisions made me feel like I was doing The Right Thing, even if it was a silly decision. I didn’t second-guess it or change my mind at all, so that was Good.
I am still very tired but I think I may manage to bang some more plot into shape. i’m trying to make myself finish the second bit and give beta readers time before I come back to the first bit. The hard thing is keeping my conviction that any story really matters enough to tell, which I know is clearly a brainweasel kind of situation. But. I see rec lists and I’m never on them, I see other authors describe their process and it seems like it makes so much more sense than mine. It’s hard for me sometimes to think like anything I could ever do is important. I’m not fishing for reassurance so much as writing it down so I can see what it is that I’m refusing to think about straight-on. That’s what it is, and it’s kind of dumb, so there it is.
Also I have another fucking beautiful @artgroves sketch to post with a snippet and the original snippet isn’t particularly usable and for some reason I can’t bang out a new one that works, and I’m sort of uncomfortably gnawing on that and feeling bad. The other one has a lot of notes now and that’s a source of glee (and a moment of hilarity last night, as one of dude’s coworkers had encountered it in the wild and recognized that it was my work, and was like poe dameron, eh? and i was like yo i got needs okay, fictional ones).
So, maybe, someone help me with a writing prompt for Poe with a guitar, because I might just need to write a new chunk for it! I don’t know. Every other snippet I have relies too heavily on in-story context.
