(no subject)

mugh. Tired.
I have a hilarious post brewing. Well, not hilarious. But thinky. And good. And articulate. Etc. Only no time to write it. About how prayer is like masturbation. And not in any of the ways you think. Inspired by an idiot coworker, daughter of a born-again preacher, who has never really thought any thoughts for herself ever, and knows very little about the world, and keeps saying things that make me grit my teeth.
But I don't have time. Sorry.

On the upside, I've got about half an hour left of hand-sewing on the petticoat. So there's that.

sad

I am exhausted. Very, very, very tired. I passed out right after dinner on Wednesday and slept a good 10 hours, but it wasn't enough. I wanted very, very, very badly to come straight home from work tonight and sleep, but I couldn't, I had a team fundraiser event, and I had to bring food to it and stand around at it and count tickets or something, whatever. So I came home, put jeans on, went straight to the grocery store-- I badly need to buy groceries for the house, but there wasn't time to go there, back, and thence to the fundraiser, so I could only pick up some non-perishables-- and thence straight to the fundraiser.
I was too tired to want to talk to people, so I mostly hung around and stared blankly at people, creeping them out. I made myself take pictures with my new tiny awesome camera (did I mention last Friday I bought myself a tiny waterproof Fuji camera for a hundred dollars on clearance? I did not mention this, probably, because I don't mention anything anymore). Because I never take pictures and I should.
So for about 3 and a half hours I stood around, worked, took pictures, drank a beer or two, stared blankly at people, couldn't focus enough to participate in conversations, and generally was stupid.

And somewhere between taking a picture of the pool tournament around 10:15, and starting to collect myself to go home at 10:45... Can you guess? Can you guess at all?
That's right. There's a blank space where I must've spaced out completely, and then I don't have the camera anymore.
I didn't go anywhere. I didn't do anything that would have required me to set it down. There was a table I was standing next to. It should have been there. It wasn't there. I had two pockets; it had been on one, and my phone in the other. My phone was still in the other. (Thank God.) The camera was not in it.

So my camera is gone. I had taken probably fifty photos, of my friend's wedding last week, and of a few assorted things this week, and a lot of the pool tournament tonight. I hadn't even taken the transfer cable out of the box. I hadn't downloaded any of the photos. I hadn't even recharged the battery once.

I am so devastatingly sad. it was only a hundred dollars. But I was so excited to have it. I have never owned a really portable camera, the kind you can put into your pocket. I have wanted one forever, and never let myself get one. I had so many plans for this camera. And it is a very long time since I got myself anything like this. I had never made a major purchase at work.

So I cried, silently, all the way home in the car. Z doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't care. I lose shit all the time and it's my fault. And I do, only... it's because I'm so tired I don't have the brainpower anymore. I literally was using it, and then I don't remember anything, and then I stirred myself back into awareness at the prospect of being able to go home and sleep, and now I'm too upset to sleep.

I need a break. But I don't get one. I have to work Sunday. I think I'm going to just go hoe all the laundry out of the guest bed so I can cry myself to sleep like the pathetic ditz I am.