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incoherent
Jan. 4th, 2009 12:58 amreally i am pretty incoherent.
Definition of "victory" was not specified; we ended out the night having held our opponents to a reasonable score, but not having put very many points on the board ourselves-- I suppose that's what you get for relying on a rotation of 3 jammers when 2 are complete rookies.
But we had a blast, by & large, and our new girls learned a ton and one of them in particular for whom it really hadn't clicked so far suddenly had it all make sense, and she jammed the last jam and had a wonderful, glorious finale-- lead jammer, scored her four, called it off, had wild adulation from the crowd, etc. etc.
So that was actually a really nice ending and we were all so excited for her. I have no idea what the score was but we felt like we won because we've all worked so hard with this woman and have tried to help her through her doubts etc., and suddenly she got it, and it was really wonderful. So it was one of several little moments that I absolutely count as victories.
Someone pointed out in about, oh, November, that our after parties are just as much fun when we win as when we lose. And we found out that was pretty much the case.
I had to leave, though. For the first time in my three years of roller derby I actually wound up playing a regular spot in a regular rotation, and was never subbed-for, and actually was swapped-in for someone when another person was serving a penalty once. So I felt really good. And I also feel like I actually made some plays while I was out there. I used to finish bouts thinking "Shit, i could go another hour!" and the like, and the next day I'd feel bad because everyone else was dying and I wasn't even bruised.
But I dont' feel that way now. My legs are made of lead. The last jam I skated, I probably shouldn't have, just because I was useless- I got hit once, a hit I saw coming and tried to avoid but could not make my legs obey, and I went down and couldn't get up right away, and my legs were shaky and I just couldn't catch the pack. It was really sad, to realize I was that spent. Also... well, i can't really get into it. I wasn't really doing so great.
But the previous jam, I'd had my feet kicked from under me somehow, and I landed straight on my tailbone. So I was in a lot of pain, a lot lot lot of pain, and I cried like a little girl, again. I challenge any of you to crack your tailbone like that and not make any pathetic noises. I whimpered and cried and my team captain held my head in her lap for a moment while I got the fuck over it and got back up and went back out for my next lineup.
But it hurt.
And it hurts now.
And I'm tired.
But I feel like I fucking played the game, instead of just being a warm body to fill a hole.
And things could have gone better, perhaps. But Sour Grapes played awesome too-- well, up until her head injury. And Liquid Courage had not one but two big jammer takedowns. And NoTorious V.A.G. jammed. So all of us who intially felt like we weren't among the real full-fledged gets-a-real-spot-on-the-lineup team members, we all seem to have redeemed ourselves well.
And the new girls learned a lot, and the vets learned to work with the new squads. So I feel like we made a ton of progress there.
I just hurt, kind of a lot, and I'm somehow not used to it, and I wish I could just go to bed so it would stop hurting. Sleep would be pretty sweet.
Oh, and also, that eyeshadow compact I splurged on from Sephora was totally hot and made me feel like a rockstar. Until I cried after my last jam because of the thing I really can't talk about right now, and I looked like a raccoon. But after washing with no paper towels in a bathroom with no hot water I looked presentable, and also still looked like I had makeup on, and still had blue eyelids, so go Kat Von D! Roller derby tried and tested eyeshadow-- rock on!
I've got a list of things to work on. But it's a manageable list and I'm looking forward to it. As opposed to previous bouts where I've just felt overwhelmed and hopeless.
Anger management's on there, incidentally.
At least I'm still a penalty-box virgin. Three seasons and I've never fouled out. Wow.
Ohhh I wish I could sleep. It would hurt a lot less.
And oh yeah, someone asked Mia today if she even owned a pair of skates. I'm astonished the man's still alive.
Definition of "victory" was not specified; we ended out the night having held our opponents to a reasonable score, but not having put very many points on the board ourselves-- I suppose that's what you get for relying on a rotation of 3 jammers when 2 are complete rookies.
But we had a blast, by & large, and our new girls learned a ton and one of them in particular for whom it really hadn't clicked so far suddenly had it all make sense, and she jammed the last jam and had a wonderful, glorious finale-- lead jammer, scored her four, called it off, had wild adulation from the crowd, etc. etc.
So that was actually a really nice ending and we were all so excited for her. I have no idea what the score was but we felt like we won because we've all worked so hard with this woman and have tried to help her through her doubts etc., and suddenly she got it, and it was really wonderful. So it was one of several little moments that I absolutely count as victories.
Someone pointed out in about, oh, November, that our after parties are just as much fun when we win as when we lose. And we found out that was pretty much the case.
I had to leave, though. For the first time in my three years of roller derby I actually wound up playing a regular spot in a regular rotation, and was never subbed-for, and actually was swapped-in for someone when another person was serving a penalty once. So I felt really good. And I also feel like I actually made some plays while I was out there. I used to finish bouts thinking "Shit, i could go another hour!" and the like, and the next day I'd feel bad because everyone else was dying and I wasn't even bruised.
But I dont' feel that way now. My legs are made of lead. The last jam I skated, I probably shouldn't have, just because I was useless- I got hit once, a hit I saw coming and tried to avoid but could not make my legs obey, and I went down and couldn't get up right away, and my legs were shaky and I just couldn't catch the pack. It was really sad, to realize I was that spent. Also... well, i can't really get into it. I wasn't really doing so great.
But the previous jam, I'd had my feet kicked from under me somehow, and I landed straight on my tailbone. So I was in a lot of pain, a lot lot lot of pain, and I cried like a little girl, again. I challenge any of you to crack your tailbone like that and not make any pathetic noises. I whimpered and cried and my team captain held my head in her lap for a moment while I got the fuck over it and got back up and went back out for my next lineup.
But it hurt.
And it hurts now.
And I'm tired.
But I feel like I fucking played the game, instead of just being a warm body to fill a hole.
And things could have gone better, perhaps. But Sour Grapes played awesome too-- well, up until her head injury. And Liquid Courage had not one but two big jammer takedowns. And NoTorious V.A.G. jammed. So all of us who intially felt like we weren't among the real full-fledged gets-a-real-spot-on-the-lineup team members, we all seem to have redeemed ourselves well.
And the new girls learned a lot, and the vets learned to work with the new squads. So I feel like we made a ton of progress there.
I just hurt, kind of a lot, and I'm somehow not used to it, and I wish I could just go to bed so it would stop hurting. Sleep would be pretty sweet.
Oh, and also, that eyeshadow compact I splurged on from Sephora was totally hot and made me feel like a rockstar. Until I cried after my last jam because of the thing I really can't talk about right now, and I looked like a raccoon. But after washing with no paper towels in a bathroom with no hot water I looked presentable, and also still looked like I had makeup on, and still had blue eyelids, so go Kat Von D! Roller derby tried and tested eyeshadow-- rock on!
I've got a list of things to work on. But it's a manageable list and I'm looking forward to it. As opposed to previous bouts where I've just felt overwhelmed and hopeless.
Anger management's on there, incidentally.
At least I'm still a penalty-box virgin. Three seasons and I've never fouled out. Wow.
Ohhh I wish I could sleep. It would hurt a lot less.
And oh yeah, someone asked Mia today if she even owned a pair of skates. I'm astonished the man's still alive.
