shudder

Anyone else really gullible and panic-prone when they've just woken up?

I was lying in Dave's bed playing with the Newton, because it's warmer in his room and I like the little monkey lamp he got for Christmas. I fell asleep there, and so I slept there all night.
When I woke up this morning Dave was next to me (big surprise).
I turned over a couple of times, and he didn't stir. Unusual, as he's as light a sleeper as I am.
I turned over and put my arm around him and he still didn't move.
I put my arm around his back and I couldn't feel his ribs moving at all. Also, his skin was cooler than mine.
I raised my head to look at him, and his face was very pale and he wasn't moving at all. I couldn't feel his breathing at all.
I panicked and sat up, and finally that woke him up and he looked at me and said, "what," very grumpily.

"Um... nothing," I said. "I was just getting up."


I do that from time to time. Once I woke up and the cat sleeping on me was so motionless I was sure he was dead. I picked him up and he was limp and suddenly he woke up and scratched me because I was being weird and had disturbed his sleep.

Anyway. It's an unpleasant way to begin one's day.

(no subject)

Two conversations.

Last night:

Dave: "Woo! It's Friday! So what you gonna do this weekend?"
Me, wearily: "Work 23 hours?"

This morning:
Me, reading the weather page: "Snow, possible accumulations two to four inches." (looks out window) "Uh, maybe in some other Buffalo, NY."
Dave: "Look at the radar map. There's a huge hole over North Buffalo."
I laugh, but he brings over his laptop and shows me, and indeed it's true.
There's snow all around, and then there's this big hole right over our neighborhood.

Oh come on! It's my first Buffalo winter and it's rained for most of the bloody thing!

Bah, humbug.

meme?

I am so weary and dumb that I am doing the first-sentence-of-the-first-entry-of-each-month-of-the-last-year meme.
Now that I've finally figured out what the fuck the drivel people were posting was about, because somebody finally posted what the meme was.

Whew: Back from Buffalo and surveying the wreckage that once was an apartment... it's quite late at night and i just listened to lucinda williams' bus to baton rouge and am thinking about the ghosts of houses where we've lived, and how sometimes i dream i'm living at 119 e. henrietta in rochester again, and i miss it most oddly. Happy St. David's Day! I just don't update much. I wrote a fanfiction story. I have many updates to make. Spar's European Sausages, 405 Amherst St., Buffalo, NY 14207. Poor Bert. Have just read Beowulf, which I received for my birthday. I sat in the passenger's seat of the PT Cruiser with a subdued and confused small warm dog in my lap as we drove through the 5:30 am patchy fog down to the Albany Airport. Happy Samhain, or All Saints' Day, or whatever you believe in. I have ideas and I'm writing them. I don't want to stop to go to work.


That was a lot less entertaining than a lot of people's express summaries, but oh well. Has its moments. I was freaking out about money last year at this time too, go figure, only with a lot less reason, because I'd just been fired but was getting more in unemployment than I'm earning honestly now. Hm. Ah well.


I am feeling so, so very poor. I really don't think we can afford to keep Dave's car on the road, unless he gets a job before February. I just don't think I can raise the money. The customers aren't tipping well, and I keep getting shitty shifts. Sigh.

And yet, I have splurged, and tonight am paying for pizza and wings so that Dave and I can have something comforting for dinner. It's comfort food, really it is. I know, I know, I sling wings and chicken fingers and beef on weck all day long, but I just wanted to sit at home and eat wings myself. From someplace I don't work.

I am tired and my feet hurt, but I worked at neither Club Empty NOR at Torture Bar today. Weird! Pleasant! No customers, but at least I didn't have to deal with that god-damned fucking security door.
Also, I got to work with two people I've never worked with before. Barb is as crazy as everyone says, but that doesn't make her a bad person. And Evan? Fascinating to talk to, and a nice fellow.

And I'm on the schedule again for this coming Thursday. Go figure! Still don't think I'll make enough to make the deadline on the car insurance, but at least I can maybe pay the student loans again.