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Feb. 6th, 2004
regional differences and manners
Feb. 6th, 2004 12:36 pmi'm working on an idea, in my head. i've been pondering this for over a year now. It was sparked just now by listening to an Ani DiFranco song called "Served Faithfully", which contains the following line:
"I leave alone what is broken because it ain't mine."
And I remember a Midwestern roommate of mine, who complained that Easterners were cold and unfriendly. If you were in trouble they wouldn't stop and come over and ask if you were all right and offer you help. They'd just look straight ahead and keep going.
And I thought about it. I was born in this state, NY, and I've lived here pretty much my whole life. I don't think I'm a cold and unfriendly person. I'm not inhospitable. I've gone well out of my way to help people I barely knew.
But no. If I see someone in trouble, I don't always stop to help. It depends on the circumstance. I thought about it for a while.
When I'm in trouble, i don't want everyone to stop and help. It embarrasses me. I want people to mind their own business. If I want help, I'll ask someone.
And then I realized, that's the difference. It's rude to pry. If I think someone's in real trouble and nobody has stopped to help, I will. But if I see that that person has a cellphone, or that there's already someone stopped, I will avert my eyes and continue. I won't pry and I won't make a fuss.
And that's what I want. I've found that if I ask for help I almost always get it, even from cold unfriendly Easterners. I have had people perform tremendous favors for me simply because I was in need of them, even though I had no claim on them and they could have simply moved on. Cold unfriendly Easterners, at that. It's not coldness. It's reserve.
Even in the famously rude New York City, I have been given help by total strangers when I needed it. If you ask for help people are terribly nice to you in the City. It's not a cold unfriendly place, it's a place so full of people that if you spent your time making sure everyone was all right, or even answering every cry for help, you wouldn't have time to live your own life. It's more efficient than cold.
It can't just be an issue of population density, but it's not an issue of unmannerliness either. Maybe we're not as warm and welcoming as the Midwest but frankly I prefer minding my own business and letting others mind theirs.