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dragonlady7OK, I had a whole entry half-composed in my head, but then I came and read my f-list and there was this entry, and I sort of don't know how life is supposed to go on when shit like that happens in the world. I mean, I know awful things happen all the time, but the academic knowledge that terrible things happen is much different than reading a firsthand, immediate account of someone's fucking dad shooting himself in the fucking head.
It's even worse if you've been following along with her recent entries about trying to get her life together and get help for her various horrible medical conditions, mental and physical.
So that's really upsetting and I don't know if it's possible to have an intelligent response; all I've managed is gibbering.
But if I don't try to write the half-composed entry, I'll be disorganized all day, so I suppose life does go on. How does one explain, by the way, that one is upset about reading a blog post by someone one only knows through a blog? It is confusing and convoluted etiquette, I think. I awkwardly say "online friend" or "person I know online", but it's unclear and mostly sounds, well, weird.
I don't know.
Well, the email just arrived that my "e-check" from Paypal cleared at Cooper's Lake, so I'm officially pre-regged for Pennsic with Z.
I spent last night sleeping on the air mattress out in the tent in the yard. The tent is enormous inside, I take it back. A king size air mattress sort of rattles around in there. A king size mattress plus several storage bins could easily fit comfortably without becoming ridiculous. !!! The whole concept of actually being comfortable at Pennsic seems sort of alien to me, after last year's adventure in Ye Tiny Tent of Tininess. But if we're crammed chock-a-block onto a too-small chunk of land this year, this enormous tent is going to be something of a liability. I may ask Mom and Dad if they still have that little four-man tent I used to sleep in the yard with. They may not, though. And if I remember right, it was pretty tiny. :/
The thing is, a lot of people who camp alone have 10x10' tents, or even larger, though I didn't measure any or examine them in detail so I'm not sure. So it didn't seem excessive for me to have a 11x13 for two people. In previous years, maybe it wouldn't be a problem, but this year we're really pretty crammed in. So I'm fretting.
Anyhow, maybe I'll just hope that the land agent figures out where to put everybody... Apparently one of my camp-mates is making a detailed map including trees, paths, and other landmarks.
Yesterday I cleaned and filled all the pots I plan on growing things in this year. I'm going to intersperse pots in the shady bed I let go to violets (it did it by itself! I planted pansies there, and there were wild violets in among them, so I left them, and gradually they've filled in the entire bed. It's so lovely! I wish I could get columbines to take over the upper storey, but so far only one has made it-- and it gets attacked by insects every year, so it doesn't spread), and I plan on putting a few other pots into garden beds I don't want to replant after the tulips die back. Then some will be in the driveway, and there's one or two hanging baskets.
I also cleaned out the fruit bed, where I have raspberries underplanted with strawberries. The strawberries haven't filled in entirely under the raspberries, so there are a lot of weeds, and mint is trying to take over. I plan to put in a big oregano plant and a big thyme plant, and try to persuade some rosemary and lavender to grow there too. I know I already have an herb garden but one can never have too many herbs. Especially when one is trying to keep the weeds down. I will mulch heavily when I'm done planting-- I haven't really tried that so far.
My book tells me to mix grass clippings half-and-half with wood chips, so I have a big tub of grass clippings I've been saving to try this. They ought to be fresh, though. I'm sort of fretting that I won't have enough grass clippings and I can't get my nerve up to talk to the neighbor that doesn't actively, hostilely hate me so she'll give me hers, and I feel really weird just snagging plastic bags from the curb on garbage night. I may yet do it-- but I don't know who uses chemicals on their lawns, doesn't that affect them?
Who knows.
I had planned then to spend the late afternoon planting the pepper and tomato seedlings I have. But around noon, Z was done working, so I went to work on the back porch with him.
We cleared everything out of it, and he scrubbed the mini-fridge. I scrubbed the wall that's the side of the house, because it was grungy and watermarked where rain has leaked. (I don't know if I can get up on to that roof to re-caulk it but it needs it.) Z then hosed it down and it's lovely and white again. I then spot-scrubbed the floor, including all the corners, all the grunge accumulated under the electrical conduit around the corner of the floor, and all the windowsills. Z then mopped the floor twice.
Then, and this is really monumental, we actually went out with Fi, checked Wal-Mart, and went to Target, where we purchased (!!!!!) an indoor-outdoor rug. !!!!
It is now the only thing out there on the gently-gleaming painted concrete floor. It looks lovely, just bee-yoo-tiful.
We have been trying to find patio furniture to go out there, but everything is boring and expensive and uncomfortable. Last night we had the brainwave of maybe trying to get a futon instead of some wicker chairs and shit, so we're looking at that now.
Every summer we live out there. So having a nice futon would really be awesome. Then we could have one more guest-bedroom in summer, as well as comfortable seating for several in the event of, say, garden parties or the like. (We even could perhaps move the futon in at the end of the summer to replace the Ratty Couch of Held-Up-By-A-Phonebook, if it comes to that. But say it quietly; we don't want to jinx it. The whole concept of actually purchasing furniture is still kind of a difficult one for us.)
So anyway, that was about three hours of very intense work. I tried to do more gardening, and did make a valiant beginning at the pepper planting, but I was sunburnt, grimy (there was dirt settled in the creases of my neck, in my cleavage, and two little delicate patches of dirt sitting atop the shelf my breasts make in that old bra-- quite hilarious), blistered, and exhausted. So I gave up and went to shower.
There's just so much damn work to be done with a house. And we're not even doing anything elaborate. My mother put in a garden probably ten times the size of mine every year and I swear she didn't spend this much of her time on it. But maybe it's because I let it go so much last year, I've got to do all this to make up for it?
The soil is wretched in all of the beds I'm planting into, by the way. it's kind of horrifying. Big rock-hard chunks of red clay with no humus or silt to speak of-- just clay, clay, clay. No rain for weeks is making it almost unworkable-- I am having to use two bricks and smash clods between them because I simply can't crumble them.
It's even worse if you've been following along with her recent entries about trying to get her life together and get help for her various horrible medical conditions, mental and physical.
So that's really upsetting and I don't know if it's possible to have an intelligent response; all I've managed is gibbering.
But if I don't try to write the half-composed entry, I'll be disorganized all day, so I suppose life does go on. How does one explain, by the way, that one is upset about reading a blog post by someone one only knows through a blog? It is confusing and convoluted etiquette, I think. I awkwardly say "online friend" or "person I know online", but it's unclear and mostly sounds, well, weird.
I don't know.
Well, the email just arrived that my "e-check" from Paypal cleared at Cooper's Lake, so I'm officially pre-regged for Pennsic with Z.
I spent last night sleeping on the air mattress out in the tent in the yard. The tent is enormous inside, I take it back. A king size air mattress sort of rattles around in there. A king size mattress plus several storage bins could easily fit comfortably without becoming ridiculous. !!! The whole concept of actually being comfortable at Pennsic seems sort of alien to me, after last year's adventure in Ye Tiny Tent of Tininess. But if we're crammed chock-a-block onto a too-small chunk of land this year, this enormous tent is going to be something of a liability. I may ask Mom and Dad if they still have that little four-man tent I used to sleep in the yard with. They may not, though. And if I remember right, it was pretty tiny. :/
The thing is, a lot of people who camp alone have 10x10' tents, or even larger, though I didn't measure any or examine them in detail so I'm not sure. So it didn't seem excessive for me to have a 11x13 for two people. In previous years, maybe it wouldn't be a problem, but this year we're really pretty crammed in. So I'm fretting.
Anyhow, maybe I'll just hope that the land agent figures out where to put everybody... Apparently one of my camp-mates is making a detailed map including trees, paths, and other landmarks.
Yesterday I cleaned and filled all the pots I plan on growing things in this year. I'm going to intersperse pots in the shady bed I let go to violets (it did it by itself! I planted pansies there, and there were wild violets in among them, so I left them, and gradually they've filled in the entire bed. It's so lovely! I wish I could get columbines to take over the upper storey, but so far only one has made it-- and it gets attacked by insects every year, so it doesn't spread), and I plan on putting a few other pots into garden beds I don't want to replant after the tulips die back. Then some will be in the driveway, and there's one or two hanging baskets.
I also cleaned out the fruit bed, where I have raspberries underplanted with strawberries. The strawberries haven't filled in entirely under the raspberries, so there are a lot of weeds, and mint is trying to take over. I plan to put in a big oregano plant and a big thyme plant, and try to persuade some rosemary and lavender to grow there too. I know I already have an herb garden but one can never have too many herbs. Especially when one is trying to keep the weeds down. I will mulch heavily when I'm done planting-- I haven't really tried that so far.
My book tells me to mix grass clippings half-and-half with wood chips, so I have a big tub of grass clippings I've been saving to try this. They ought to be fresh, though. I'm sort of fretting that I won't have enough grass clippings and I can't get my nerve up to talk to the neighbor that doesn't actively, hostilely hate me so she'll give me hers, and I feel really weird just snagging plastic bags from the curb on garbage night. I may yet do it-- but I don't know who uses chemicals on their lawns, doesn't that affect them?
Who knows.
I had planned then to spend the late afternoon planting the pepper and tomato seedlings I have. But around noon, Z was done working, so I went to work on the back porch with him.
We cleared everything out of it, and he scrubbed the mini-fridge. I scrubbed the wall that's the side of the house, because it was grungy and watermarked where rain has leaked. (I don't know if I can get up on to that roof to re-caulk it but it needs it.) Z then hosed it down and it's lovely and white again. I then spot-scrubbed the floor, including all the corners, all the grunge accumulated under the electrical conduit around the corner of the floor, and all the windowsills. Z then mopped the floor twice.
Then, and this is really monumental, we actually went out with Fi, checked Wal-Mart, and went to Target, where we purchased (!!!!!) an indoor-outdoor rug. !!!!
It is now the only thing out there on the gently-gleaming painted concrete floor. It looks lovely, just bee-yoo-tiful.
We have been trying to find patio furniture to go out there, but everything is boring and expensive and uncomfortable. Last night we had the brainwave of maybe trying to get a futon instead of some wicker chairs and shit, so we're looking at that now.
Every summer we live out there. So having a nice futon would really be awesome. Then we could have one more guest-bedroom in summer, as well as comfortable seating for several in the event of, say, garden parties or the like. (We even could perhaps move the futon in at the end of the summer to replace the Ratty Couch of Held-Up-By-A-Phonebook, if it comes to that. But say it quietly; we don't want to jinx it. The whole concept of actually purchasing furniture is still kind of a difficult one for us.)
So anyway, that was about three hours of very intense work. I tried to do more gardening, and did make a valiant beginning at the pepper planting, but I was sunburnt, grimy (there was dirt settled in the creases of my neck, in my cleavage, and two little delicate patches of dirt sitting atop the shelf my breasts make in that old bra-- quite hilarious), blistered, and exhausted. So I gave up and went to shower.
There's just so much damn work to be done with a house. And we're not even doing anything elaborate. My mother put in a garden probably ten times the size of mine every year and I swear she didn't spend this much of her time on it. But maybe it's because I let it go so much last year, I've got to do all this to make up for it?
The soil is wretched in all of the beds I'm planting into, by the way. it's kind of horrifying. Big rock-hard chunks of red clay with no humus or silt to speak of-- just clay, clay, clay. No rain for weeks is making it almost unworkable-- I am having to use two bricks and smash clods between them because I simply can't crumble them.
