degruntilated

[dragonlady7]

My schedule for the summer is filling up.
I told myself I'd work it out this year so I didn't wind up driving endlessly back and forth across the state. It's hard to avoid; chicken slaughters are evenly-spaced, so I can't stay for two unless I stay three weeks in a row.
I'd told myself I could spend more time at the farm this summer because I paid my car off and so I don't need to earn as much money. But there keep being things that the dayjob needs me for, so I have to schedule myself there, and work around it.

Oh well. I'll work it out. And probably what's going to happen is that all summer long, I will have to drive back and forth every other week, and that's just how it is. And what also happens is that I wind up spending the weekends driving and the weeks working, so I never get a day off either, that isn't spent in a car. (Saturdays are work days at the farm, so the number of times I show up in time to work on Saturday, or leave after work on Saturday; well, that's just how it goes.) (Last year on more than one occasion I got up at 3 or 4 in the morning to make it to the farm in time to help with something.)

And in the midst of this, Dude is like... "We should go on vacation."
Last summer I was like "bro summers are hard for me, schedule the next vacation for winter or early spring ok" and he was like "ok" and then spring came and went. It is fucking June, basically and he's just now like, "oh hm, we gotta go somewhere" and I was like "idk a long weekend?" and he's like "no we should go on a proper vacation."
Just. Just.
Agh.

I *love* the idea of vacations, but as I am not paid when I am not at work, and in some cases I am not paid when I *am* at work, and like I'm not going to freak out or anything, but like. *deep breaths* We can get by just fine on Dude's income mostly in the summer, that's fine; I'm basically volunteering and that's what we do instead of charitable donations etc., but it is hard for me to take yet more time off and the late winter/early spring is when I am a huddled mass of depression and would really like a break, and June is really not the time for me to take off. Also I am now booked solid for every single fucking day until July, and in July I start having days I've tentatively scheduled with my BFF for various things we're planning to do, so if he wants to schedule something we're down to, like, the dregs.

And he isn't; he wants me to think of something. Where can we go that's nice and not too far and we haven't been before? BRO I DON'T KNOW. I've suggested every place I can think of already and none of them suit, so. Clearly you've got something in mind! So book it! And at this point you're gonna have to go by yourself!

I am tired and have been tired all week for no reason, and it's all a lot of brainfog and woe and aggravation. I tell you what vacation I want:
I want to go somewhere, with like, a cabin, maybe on a lake, and it's got a big porch that looks out on a nice view, and it's got fast wifi and a lovely open-plan kitchen, and we show up with a cooler full of groceries and nobody bothers us for a week and I get a shitload of writing done. Maybe take a hike or two during the day, maybe dip myself into the lake once or maybe it's too cold, i don't honestly give a fuck. Mostly, I sit on my ass and I get to write as much as I want and nobody talks to me.

But I don't know how to explain that. I sort of tried, and he was like "nah", so. I'm out of ideas.

Comments

[unicornduke]

Yay bananas scheduling! If only it was possible for you to take the train but I know logistically it's probably a pain, plus you want your car to be able to leave the farm.

I've been looking out at my schedule and getting used to the reality that any fun stuff is going to be week days and let's see how many vacation days I can squeeze in around the weekends for PA. I did book a camping trip in June, so that's something but it gives me less time for food prep, cleaning, etc on weekends that are left. I'm on every other weekend to PA and then camping trips.

Ah well.

I too, wish for such a vacation. Sit around. Read books. Make delicious food that takes way too long but who cares because it only eats into reading time and you can read while you cook! Walk around with the dog.

[dragonlady7]

I should make a point, though, to use the train a few times this summer. It's just that I wind up needing to run errands; I drove my car almost every day this last visit, including over state lines twice in three days.
Sometimes the car just gets parked out by the yurt and not used at all, but.
One of the June visits, which is part of what prompted me to make this post, I'm going to need to drop Farmkid and her dad at the train station because they're going to Chicago on the train, which is a Big Trip! and my sister has a separate commitment that night. Speaking of overcommitted, her calendar is insane. But she's the sort of person who can be on top of it, which is how she texted me yesterday to ask me about a scheduling concern in mid-June already.

Just-- I mean, I get why people go on vacations where you have to go look at stuff, but think of it-- you bring all the food you'll need, and all the fancy drinks you'll want, and then you don't have to go sit in a bar anywhere, and you can go for walks or whatever but mostly all I want in life is to sit in peace in a quiet room with a comfortable chair and a pleasant view and write the goddamn novel that I just got this great idea for and want to write. Maybe I am slightly biased by my current predicament. LOL.

[redstapler]

We'd love for you to visit us!

But I totally dig if you want to save the "Go to Texas to see Jill and Josh" for our wedding, when we figure out when that's going to happen.

[dragonlady7]

I did have a vague thought of "Austin!" and then I was like "did I miss their wedding", but I will put that onto the list for consideration! I would love to visit you!

[redstapler]

Yeah the whole wedding thing is a project I haven't had the wherewithal to tackle. On top of the fact I knew it was pointless to start planning before Anthem came out. And then Josh lost his job

It's a whole lot of decision paralysis, and decisions you can't make until you have information you won't get for a long time. It's maddening, and I'm tired and we haven't even started.

[dragonlady7]

I got a lot of sympathy for your situation, believe me. (I'm just worried I'll zone out and miss an update, lol.)

My lil sis eloped but I can tell you firsthand that then she had to have TWO receptions in penitence for it and the only reason the one of them worked at all is that her two middle sisters drove to Illinois, set it up, got 3 hours sleep, changed clothes, poured every drink all night, tore it down, got three hours of sleep and then drove back to NY so really when they say DIY they mean Make Your Sisters Do It (that's not fair entirely but the facts are the facts man).
(The other reception was at our parents' house so like, Mom did most of it but for her throwing a party for 75 people is kind of Tuesday, so whatever. I also did a lot of dishes for that one but I only had to drive 300 miles instead of 1200 so I was happier.)

I really wanted to outdo her by getting common-law married but NYS abolished common-law, which means I likely won't ever get married at all.

The other sister did courthouse, and had a ceremony later, but I tell you where's the fun in that? If you're going to do the thing you might as well have a stupid party, otherwise people never come visit.

I'm not gonna have any advice, alas. I tried to talk Dude into a big party for our 15th anniversary but no dice. Maybe 20th, that's coming up in a couple years. Maybe if I just do it and invite him he'll at least show up?

[redstapler]

I really want to do the courthouse thing now and then a ceremony and party later, but Josh won't do the actual thing without his family there. Which, fair.

But I also just really want to get him on my health insurance.

[dragonlady7]

Our family was Not Allowed to be at the courthouse. my mom was there because they needed a witness and also Mom worked there, but since not everyone could be there, not even our ailing aged grandmother was allowed to come, because it wouldn't be fair to the husband-to-be's ailing aged grandmother.
So nobody was there for the courthouse, and all the ailing aged grandmothers made it until the party, so it was ok. (And there was a deployment to Iraq in the middle, so the party wasn't that soon after.)

[lazaefair]

The cabin vacation does not require the presence of Dude, I'm just saying...

[dragonlady7]

It's true, but if it comes to that, I could just be in the yurt, you know?
And if he doesn't make me, I won't take a vacation, and he's right, I should take vacations. And in the last decade and a half or so, a lot of the fun of vacations has been having him along, because we don't always get to hang out that much in our real lives and it gets weighed down with mundane shit and it is just more fun to see Exotic Sights when he's there.
But argh why can't we do that in the winter, is what it comes back to.

[rmc28]

Soooo, Dude wants a vacation, doesn't want to plan it, doesn't want to do it at a time that suits you, and doesn't like your ideal vacation.

I mean, I'm with you, go book it yourself Dude, and maybe consider having a longer planning horizon in future.

[dragonlady7]

Sigh. I get it, he's not intending to shoot down all my ideas and demand more, and he's under a bunch of stress at work and had to yell at a coworker and then spend hours of his day making lists to prove why she was entirely wrong about literally everything she'd yelled at him about to begin with, and for a guy who doesn't like confrontation that's a lot. But. Like. He's shooting down all my ideas and demanding more, and I can separate intention from effect all i want without actually solving anything.

I did find a reserve of energy last night to start a cheerful conversation about nothing, which revitalized him astonishingly well, and got him to opine instead of just moaning, but that takes energy I don't always have either. Oh well.

(Another vacation idea I've been suggesting for literally years is that we rent a really cool RV and go drive around a cool place and camp out a bunch, and he's against it but I don't think he appreciates how cool it would be, so there's that.)

[incognitajones]

Your idea of a vacation is also my platonic ideal of a vacation. My dude likes cities, so we end up alternating. (In the end it works out pretty well - I make him relax and he makes me do stuff other than lie on the beach.)