hemmosauce: I want a significant other but I

[dragonlady7]

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hemmosauce:

I want a significant other but I don’t want to date, I just want a person to appear and just be in a committed relationship with me. Is that too much to ask for ???????????????????????????

---

uh I uh

did this

No really though, I met this boy through a mutual friend, and I took some pictures of a show he was in, and then got his email address so I could send him the photos, and we kept emailing a lot, and emailing a lot more, and then after some months of this I went to visit him and fell into bed with him and then I went back home and got my stuff and moved in with him. That was July of 2002. 

It shouldn’t have worked, but.

I still have no idea how to date.
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Comments

[mosylu]

Man, I'm the worst at dating. It always feels like a job interview for a position I'm not sure I even want. I feel like we need to go back to mail order spouses. Like, I'd be the grouchy, taciturn farmer in the Old West putting an ad in the newspaper for a comely Eastern fella who comes out West (fleeing a tragic past because why the hell else would you do this) and we fall in Lurve.

. . . I may have read one too many romance novels/fics with this exact storyline.

[dragonlady7]

My coworker has been with his wife since 2002 as well, and he and I occasionally like to terrify each other by pointing out how much dating has changed since then and how absolutely utterly doomed either of us would be if we tried to date again. He actually dated, though, he's a few years older than me and went through a few serial-monogamy-type relationships before settling on the current one.
I had a girlfriend, and then a couple of uh encounters, we'll say, but I never really dated; the girlfriend glommed onto me and I was like ??? oh no I get it now, I live here forever now and then had to move to a different continent. But the dude, well. I mean.

Incidentally I read many novels with that plot and actually that made me remember a song I used to really like that was exactly a story of that plot, and it was Mark Knopfler and I don't remember the name of the song.
Ah, it was called Prairie Wedding and it was on the album Sailing To Philadelphia, and it's on Spotify or Google Play or iheartradio but apparently not YouTube, which was where I would have linked to it. Anyway it's very atmospheric and I listened to it a lot circa, hmmm, 2000 or so, and had completely forgotten it.
I liked it because it's a question, not an answer. Instead of pop songs that never acknowledge the unknowability of the woman-as-object character, this one is entirely predicated on it. We get nothing of her internality, and it's sort of blunt and terrifying, and sort of dreamy-wistful-frightened. Maybe I'm remembering it through a filter...
I should listen to that album again. I like songs that do that, albums that do that-- tell a story from a really close POV.
Do you think you could love me, Mary?

... I want to read fics with that plot, I had not thought of it as a fanfic trope.

[toujours_nigel]

I have never dated ever. Instead I kinda puppy-followed SO around trying very hard to stamp out my crush, and then she found out which was terrifying but it's worked out pretty well since. *g*

[lazaefair]

I'm pretty decent at dating. (Well, at dating men.) At least the initial part. The trouble starts with the bit where apparently my taste in men leans towards the commitment-averse (read: fellow sluts) who lead non-traditional lifestyles and therefore tend to move around a lot anyway. So even with the good ones, the timing hardly ever worked out for a regular girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, let alone anything approaching a long-term commitment.

Given how up and down my relationship is with my (female) platonic life partner, I'm beginning to doubt that I'm particularly suited to domestic homemaking bliss, either.