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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/32bpG0z
As expected, I was useless yesterday, but it wasn’t in a good productive wallowy kind of way, it was in a frozen refreshing-webpages feeling like i ought to be doing something but not doing it kind of way, so that wasn’t restful. Like, I kept getting stuck looking at things i didn’t care if I was looking at, and didn’t really decompress at all. Even just– changing the window to look at stories I wanted to be writing didn’t help. So that was a bummer.
I did bake bread, do dishes, and make goulash, so that was okay. But I wanted to do things I enjoyed yesterday, and I just. Couldn’t remember what those things would even be, and I knew it was futile to try to Make Myself Do Something Useful because I was just going to wind up pacing in circles around the house. Which I did a fair bit of anyway.
I would like to get out my dayplanner/bullet journal and kind of review past goals and like, remind myself of what it is that I want in the first place, but as that was burned in the fire, I cannot do that. I also thought to write a postcard to my nephew who is interested in tiny houses but as my postage stamps were in that dayplanner, that also is not a one-step process. I will need to replace the stamps, but. Who fucking knows when I’ll get to that.
I have a bunch of entries and replies and things open in tabs that I have been intending to respond to and yet somehow I know that’s not going to happen either, I am not particularly coherent but I am at least that self-aware. Thanks for the reassurances, everyone, and I would like to be more articulate about it but that’s not happening.
I have to go to work today and I just don’t want to, I know it is going to be boring and dumb and unrewarding, and I also know I haven’t anything better to do, and at least there at the desk with pen and paper I’ll feel able to divert myself by starting to sketch out ideas of what could come next after the yurt at the farm. I’ve been wanting to just– draw it, and see what I come up with, but that’s the kind of thing that’s impossible for me to do, put down the computer and then go hunt down stationery and a surface to draw on? Forget it, that’s hard. That’s too much task-switching. So. I’ve put it off and will do it at work and feel better then.
(Which reinforces to me: I want there to be room for a desk, that was something I was struggling with in the yurt, that I just wanted a desk. I had a lapdesk but it wasn’t good enough. Oh yes, that’s another thing that got burned up, isn’t it. Well, I didn’t use it, so.)
As expected, I was useless yesterday, but it wasn’t in a good productive wallowy kind of way, it was in a frozen refreshing-webpages feeling like i ought to be doing something but not doing it kind of way, so that wasn’t restful. Like, I kept getting stuck looking at things i didn’t care if I was looking at, and didn’t really decompress at all. Even just– changing the window to look at stories I wanted to be writing didn’t help. So that was a bummer.
I did bake bread, do dishes, and make goulash, so that was okay. But I wanted to do things I enjoyed yesterday, and I just. Couldn’t remember what those things would even be, and I knew it was futile to try to Make Myself Do Something Useful because I was just going to wind up pacing in circles around the house. Which I did a fair bit of anyway.
I would like to get out my dayplanner/bullet journal and kind of review past goals and like, remind myself of what it is that I want in the first place, but as that was burned in the fire, I cannot do that. I also thought to write a postcard to my nephew who is interested in tiny houses but as my postage stamps were in that dayplanner, that also is not a one-step process. I will need to replace the stamps, but. Who fucking knows when I’ll get to that.
I have a bunch of entries and replies and things open in tabs that I have been intending to respond to and yet somehow I know that’s not going to happen either, I am not particularly coherent but I am at least that self-aware. Thanks for the reassurances, everyone, and I would like to be more articulate about it but that’s not happening.
I have to go to work today and I just don’t want to, I know it is going to be boring and dumb and unrewarding, and I also know I haven’t anything better to do, and at least there at the desk with pen and paper I’ll feel able to divert myself by starting to sketch out ideas of what could come next after the yurt at the farm. I’ve been wanting to just– draw it, and see what I come up with, but that’s the kind of thing that’s impossible for me to do, put down the computer and then go hunt down stationery and a surface to draw on? Forget it, that’s hard. That’s too much task-switching. So. I’ve put it off and will do it at work and feel better then.
(Which reinforces to me: I want there to be room for a desk, that was something I was struggling with in the yurt, that I just wanted a desk. I had a lapdesk but it wasn’t good enough. Oh yes, that’s another thing that got burned up, isn’t it. Well, I didn’t use it, so.)
