dragonlady7 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dragonlady7) wrote2019-05-09 04:03 pm
dragonlady7) wrote2019-05-09 04:03 pm
Entry tags:
degruntilated
My schedule for the summer is filling up.
I told myself I'd work it out this year so I didn't wind up driving endlessly back and forth across the state. It's hard to avoid; chicken slaughters are evenly-spaced, so I can't stay for two unless I stay three weeks in a row.
I'd told myself I could spend more time at the farm this summer because I paid my car off and so I don't need to earn as much money. But there keep being things that the dayjob needs me for, so I have to schedule myself there, and work around it.
Oh well. I'll work it out. And probably what's going to happen is that all summer long, I will have to drive back and forth every other week, and that's just how it is. And what also happens is that I wind up spending the weekends driving and the weeks working, so I never get a day off either, that isn't spent in a car. (Saturdays are work days at the farm, so the number of times I show up in time to work on Saturday, or leave after work on Saturday; well, that's just how it goes.) (Last year on more than one occasion I got up at 3 or 4 in the morning to make it to the farm in time to help with something.)
And in the midst of this, Dude is like... "We should go on vacation."
Last summer I was like "bro summers are hard for me, schedule the next vacation for winter or early spring ok" and he was like "ok" and then spring came and went. It is fucking June, basically and he's just now like, "oh hm, we gotta go somewhere" and I was like "idk a long weekend?" and he's like "no we should go on a proper vacation."
Just. Just.
Agh.
I *love* the idea of vacations, but as I am not paid when I am not at work, and in some cases I am not paid when I *am* at work, and like I'm not going to freak out or anything, but like. *deep breaths* We can get by just fine on Dude's income mostly in the summer, that's fine; I'm basically volunteering and that's what we do instead of charitable donations etc., but it is hard for me to take yet more time off and the late winter/early spring is when I am a huddled mass of depression and would really like a break, and June is really not the time for me to take off. Also I am now booked solid for every single fucking day until July, and in July I start having days I've tentatively scheduled with my BFF for various things we're planning to do, so if he wants to schedule something we're down to, like, the dregs.
And he isn't; he wants me to think of something. Where can we go that's nice and not too far and we haven't been before? BRO I DON'T KNOW. I've suggested every place I can think of already and none of them suit, so. Clearly you've got something in mind! So book it! And at this point you're gonna have to go by yourself!
I am tired and have been tired all week for no reason, and it's all a lot of brainfog and woe and aggravation. I tell you what vacation I want:
I want to go somewhere, with like, a cabin, maybe on a lake, and it's got a big porch that looks out on a nice view, and it's got fast wifi and a lovely open-plan kitchen, and we show up with a cooler full of groceries and nobody bothers us for a week and I get a shitload of writing done. Maybe take a hike or two during the day, maybe dip myself into the lake once or maybe it's too cold, i don't honestly give a fuck. Mostly, I sit on my ass and I get to write as much as I want and nobody talks to me.
But I don't know how to explain that. I sort of tried, and he was like "nah", so. I'm out of ideas.
I told myself I'd work it out this year so I didn't wind up driving endlessly back and forth across the state. It's hard to avoid; chicken slaughters are evenly-spaced, so I can't stay for two unless I stay three weeks in a row.
I'd told myself I could spend more time at the farm this summer because I paid my car off and so I don't need to earn as much money. But there keep being things that the dayjob needs me for, so I have to schedule myself there, and work around it.
Oh well. I'll work it out. And probably what's going to happen is that all summer long, I will have to drive back and forth every other week, and that's just how it is. And what also happens is that I wind up spending the weekends driving and the weeks working, so I never get a day off either, that isn't spent in a car. (Saturdays are work days at the farm, so the number of times I show up in time to work on Saturday, or leave after work on Saturday; well, that's just how it goes.) (Last year on more than one occasion I got up at 3 or 4 in the morning to make it to the farm in time to help with something.)
And in the midst of this, Dude is like... "We should go on vacation."
Last summer I was like "bro summers are hard for me, schedule the next vacation for winter or early spring ok" and he was like "ok" and then spring came and went. It is fucking June, basically and he's just now like, "oh hm, we gotta go somewhere" and I was like "idk a long weekend?" and he's like "no we should go on a proper vacation."
Just. Just.
Agh.
I *love* the idea of vacations, but as I am not paid when I am not at work, and in some cases I am not paid when I *am* at work, and like I'm not going to freak out or anything, but like. *deep breaths* We can get by just fine on Dude's income mostly in the summer, that's fine; I'm basically volunteering and that's what we do instead of charitable donations etc., but it is hard for me to take yet more time off and the late winter/early spring is when I am a huddled mass of depression and would really like a break, and June is really not the time for me to take off. Also I am now booked solid for every single fucking day until July, and in July I start having days I've tentatively scheduled with my BFF for various things we're planning to do, so if he wants to schedule something we're down to, like, the dregs.
And he isn't; he wants me to think of something. Where can we go that's nice and not too far and we haven't been before? BRO I DON'T KNOW. I've suggested every place I can think of already and none of them suit, so. Clearly you've got something in mind! So book it! And at this point you're gonna have to go by yourself!
I am tired and have been tired all week for no reason, and it's all a lot of brainfog and woe and aggravation. I tell you what vacation I want:
I want to go somewhere, with like, a cabin, maybe on a lake, and it's got a big porch that looks out on a nice view, and it's got fast wifi and a lovely open-plan kitchen, and we show up with a cooler full of groceries and nobody bothers us for a week and I get a shitload of writing done. Maybe take a hike or two during the day, maybe dip myself into the lake once or maybe it's too cold, i don't honestly give a fuck. Mostly, I sit on my ass and I get to write as much as I want and nobody talks to me.
But I don't know how to explain that. I sort of tried, and he was like "nah", so. I'm out of ideas.
no subject
I've been looking out at my schedule and getting used to the reality that any fun stuff is going to be week days and let's see how many vacation days I can squeeze in around the weekends for PA. I did book a camping trip in June, so that's something but it gives me less time for food prep, cleaning, etc on weekends that are left. I'm on every other weekend to PA and then camping trips.
Ah well.
I too, wish for such a vacation. Sit around. Read books. Make delicious food that takes way too long but who cares because it only eats into reading time and you can read while you cook! Walk around with the dog.
no subject
Sometimes the car just gets parked out by the yurt and not used at all, but.
One of the June visits, which is part of what prompted me to make this post, I'm going to need to drop Farmkid and her dad at the train station because they're going to Chicago on the train, which is a Big Trip! and my sister has a separate commitment that night. Speaking of overcommitted, her calendar is insane. But she's the sort of person who can be on top of it, which is how she texted me yesterday to ask me about a scheduling concern in mid-June already.
Just-- I mean, I get why people go on vacations where you have to go look at stuff, but think of it-- you bring all the food you'll need, and all the fancy drinks you'll want, and then you don't have to go sit in a bar anywhere, and you can go for walks or whatever but mostly all I want in life is to sit in peace in a quiet room with a comfortable chair and a pleasant view and write the goddamn novel that I just got this great idea for and want to write. Maybe I am slightly biased by my current predicament. LOL.