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disinteresting
Jan. 17th, 2007 09:39 amThis morning Z came in after his shower to tell me how he'd had a dream( and in fact we both had dreams this morning. )
I am still sort of trapped in unreality, but not unpleasantly. I hope I can make something of today. I've been plagued since last week with a persistent feeling of unreality, of waiting for something to happen that doesn't exist. I have had no problem in fulfilling all my obligations, but during my free time I feel somewhat lost, as if I'm supposed to be somewhere, or as if I had had plans before but have forgotten them and don't know how to make new ones.
V. irritating. It also makes me not very interesting to read about. And makes the things I write not terribly interesting. But I do have the whole next section of the Barbarians Novel rewrite worked out. I am just wondering when I'm going to be able to start reusing what I've already written instead of almost completely rewording everything, but it seems that all the stuff I had, that I'd polished so hard, that was so "good", was actually crap.
I definitely, in my next novel, need much earlier intervention in seeing where the plot is going. I need help with plots. I need to find out how people find help for plots. Because I have now wasted three years of my life on a novel that I didn't discover the plot to until, like, this month. I can't afford this kind of time anymore. Three fucking years and I'm only just figuring out what parts of the plot I need. And I am rewriting the entire book almost from the ground up. For a fourth time.
Ridiculous.
But, looking back, I cannot see anywhere that I went wrong. I did the best I could at the time. Maybe I've taught myself to plot?
But there's a question mark on the end of that sentence because I really don't know if I'd do any better with a new book. The first drafts are always *almost* right, but in order to make them actually right, I have to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. And there are no shortcuts?
I need help.
I am still sort of trapped in unreality, but not unpleasantly. I hope I can make something of today. I've been plagued since last week with a persistent feeling of unreality, of waiting for something to happen that doesn't exist. I have had no problem in fulfilling all my obligations, but during my free time I feel somewhat lost, as if I'm supposed to be somewhere, or as if I had had plans before but have forgotten them and don't know how to make new ones.
V. irritating. It also makes me not very interesting to read about. And makes the things I write not terribly interesting. But I do have the whole next section of the Barbarians Novel rewrite worked out. I am just wondering when I'm going to be able to start reusing what I've already written instead of almost completely rewording everything, but it seems that all the stuff I had, that I'd polished so hard, that was so "good", was actually crap.
I definitely, in my next novel, need much earlier intervention in seeing where the plot is going. I need help with plots. I need to find out how people find help for plots. Because I have now wasted three years of my life on a novel that I didn't discover the plot to until, like, this month. I can't afford this kind of time anymore. Three fucking years and I'm only just figuring out what parts of the plot I need. And I am rewriting the entire book almost from the ground up. For a fourth time.
Ridiculous.
But, looking back, I cannot see anywhere that I went wrong. I did the best I could at the time. Maybe I've taught myself to plot?
But there's a question mark on the end of that sentence because I really don't know if I'd do any better with a new book. The first drafts are always *almost* right, but in order to make them actually right, I have to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. And there are no shortcuts?
I need help.
