Apr. 19th, 2006

The old bat next door is driving me nuts.

It is gorgeous out and I have to go to work and I don't want to. Bah.

I am tired, so tired, and don't want to get out of bed.

I just spent over an hour rereading the most recent thing I posted at HASA. I like it. Weird. It feels like a very long time ago that I last wrote fanfiction. And, in fact, it is a very long time ago.

I found it because I was scrolling back through my entries in December looking for my recipe for piparkukas, which apparently I didn't post at all.
My entries for December and, indeed, for all of 2005, make it pretty clear that I am a complete idiot if I bid on a full-time shift when the shift bids come out again. Holy crap, I would be a total moron to go back to a five-day schedule. I was miserable and useless for that entire year. Forget about it. If they cancel my health insurance, then good for them. I am not giving them 45 hours a week of my life again. It is not worthwhile. To feel like I do now, every day? No.

On the phone with my mother on Easter she spoke of a friend of my uncle's who was asking him about going to the high school I attended, a private girls' boarding school that also takes day students. And Mom mentioned that she'd asked what I was doing now, and then she started a sentence with, "Well, I don't think it much matters" and my brain filled in that she felt it didn't much matter what I was doing with my life as long as I was happy, and for a moment I was completely filled with disbelieving joy, made the stronger for the fact that I'd never really realized that I felt that I was letting my parents down. But then she went on and completed the sentence some other way, and I had to hide my disappointment quickly to catch up to the conversation again.



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