Attn: Saucies

[dragonlady7]

It looks like one of your members has linked you all to my blog again and has stated that I'm whining about the reffing in the last game and saying terrible things. I'm just guessing that's what's been said. Please prove me wrong, you're welcome to.

So I will here state, to save time, because I really am in need of a restful weekend OFF at last:

• I never said that the reffing was the only thing that led to the outcome that occurred. You guys totally outplayed us, and yeah, it was an awesome game. I never said otherwise.
  
• I do, however, feel that there were issues with the reffing, and am worried that if they do not improve, actual safety issues will only worsen. I sincerely believe that the skaters have really stepped up their game but for one reason or another (and there were many reasons), the refs were not able to do the same.
  
• That is not to say I do not respect the refs: I do, and their job is nearly impossible. Telling people who point out, however, that they still have shortcomings, that they don't support the refs, is bullshit.
  
• I'm really not interested in causing drama. Nor am I interested in debating the ways in which I suck. I am also not at all interested in defending points of view I never claimed to have.
  
• I really, really wish whichever of you consistently links my posts to the Saucies' Yahoo! group would at least leave a comment so I knew the onslaught was coming. I say a lot of things, some of which, when removed from context, are fairly cumbersome to re-engage with in order to defend. A little time to reread what I wrote and prepare myself would probably help.
  

But the "drama"? Most of the "drama" that had me so wound up and terrified this week is that last year, when I tried to engage in a reasonable conversation about things I saw that bothered me, I got slapped down for things I never said, and when I finally managed to convince the people slapping me down that that wasn't what I'd said at all, and they made up with me, that's not what got remembered: People don't remember that I owned up and resolved the drama last year. All they remember is that there was drama.

So I've learned that it doesn't really matter: the point is, I said something someone doesn't like, and no matter whether I manage to convince that person that my viewpoint was reasonable, I will always have said something someone didn't like, which apparently invalidates me as a person.

So, I just had my first migraine ever yesterday because I've been so stressed. Suffice to say, I'm really not interested in debate. I didn't actually say anything any of you could legitimately object to.

So please go start drama somewhere else, because I actually already finished with it, and you're too late. If I were interested in drama, I'd be blogging about... well, I'm not. So fuck that. There, you got me to self-censor. Are you happy?

No, of course not, because the very nature of the problem dictates that no one is ever happy.
Spare me the drama.

Comments

[rootsnradicals.livejournal.com]

I linked your blog to the rest of the Saucies, but I never said you were whining. I actually made no comment on it except to say, "here's B's write-up". I didn't summarize it. Anything commented on it was based on that person's reading of it. I didn't comment because I didn't have anything to add. I felt no need to argue with anything you wrote, nor to dispute any of your takes on the proceedings. While I may not agree with your view of events all of the time, it doesn't matter. Nobody can really change another's opinions. You write how you feel and are more than entitled to your feelings. As is Mexi. As am I. I'm sorry I didn't inform you that I was sharing. I will in the future (if it comes up again).

Punk

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I am upset that every time I make an observation that our reffing needs improvement, it is universally read as an attack on one particular team, when I have usually gone out of my way to either praise them or avoid mentioning them.
Most of my sick horror this week has been that it will become a KO's vs. Saucies issues just like last year... when it never was.
It upsets me that I can't write something on my non-roller-derby-specific blog without people coming to it and attacking me.
Worse, things I write on my personal blog always wind up being taken as read to be my team's point of view. My team has been super-careful not to say anything that could be taken the wrong way. But now, because I said the reffing was an issue, Mexi has decided that the Knockouts think the Saucies only win because the officials are biased. Which I did not say and never have said, but at this point I can defend it all I want, and nobody will ever remember that. Remember last year? I got every single commenter on that blog to agree with me, by the end, but that's not remembered, as is made obvious by Mexi's comment.

So the fact that I expressed an opinion means we're whiners and shouldn't be taken seriously.
Improving the reffing would help all of us, and I'm worried by the increasing level of violence, and how it seems it's only OK to talk about it in terms of how violent one person is, when she was far from the only person to commit eggregious fouls, and I saw some disturbing indications that some of the fouls have become systematic, because it is known who the refs will be watching and that others can get away with gaining advantages by non-WFTDA-sanctioned means. I am scared someone'll get hurt, sure, but I'm more worried of what the hell will happen to our travel team at a tournament, when things like that won't be tolerated. I'm not even worried about our home teams at this juncture-- what happens happens, though I'd like to see play improve even more than it has.

I'd love to be a lot less paranoid. We'll see how that goes.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have opinions. I'm really sorry I write about them. But this whole stupid LJ thing goes back before roller derby, and it was a way for me to keep in touch with friends I never get to see, and it's been over six years now of habit of writing opinions and observations on here, and I just can't think ahead and not say things. I don't always proofread things, I don't always self-censor properly, I don't anticipate the possible ways people could take what I say, especially when they're not things I really say. This isn't particularly written for roller derby people; it's the only thing I still have that isn't geared toward derby.

I'm not yelling at you for linking to it, it's on the Internet, you have a right... I'm just so tired, so tired of being accused of starting drama, and I promise I write these things without thinking of drama. I don't even say controversial things anymore. I haven't said anything in that post that wasn't discussed with a ref via email. Nobody's saying that the reffing was perfect... except Mexi.

And it kind of came out of nowhere. So yes, please let me know when these things are coming. I don't want to filter you out because I like your point of view. And if I filter you out, I filter out my mom and my friends from high school and college. But I say things I think are relatively uncontroversial, and then I get crucified for them, normally well after the fact, and it's just pretty upsetting, is all. I've had a really awful fucking week and I am not at my most rational and good-humored best, and yes, this is my personal blog. I'm not even B-17 on this blog, I'm just me.

I'm also really upset because in the past Mexi has been so interested in peacemaking, so it feels very hostile coming from her. I was so pleased to see her on Saturday and have been looking forward to her coming back to skating, and now I find out that for a whole year she's felt I'm a sore loser, to the point that my opinions now can't be taken at face value without the filter of this belief?

Well. That smarts.

[kittyc1978.livejournal.com]

It's your blog. Not the KO's. it's called "A Life" not "The life of the KO'S" You write what ever you want because that is why we have these things. I have one so I can remember what happened in my life! You do the same.

You just have very good oppinions that spark debate.(Apparently) I've always thought you were very fair in your renderings of the events of your bouts. I am very biased in my writings of anything I'm involved in and rarely look at things from the outside in. I think it's great that you can and do, do that! I am indeed a whiner, you are a reporter.

I'm really sorry this caused you a migrane. I hope it doesn't come back!

And people will eventually forget that there ever was drama.