Mar. 9th, 2016 02:35 am
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My DJing deskmate wasn’t in today so I was DJing for myself, and so I decided to work my way through the entirety of Townes Van Zandt’s back catalogue because, I’m not sure why, it seemed like a good idea I guess, but this involved looking him up and reading his life story to figure out what order the albums go in, and Jesus Christ I don’t know how I managed not to read about his life before now but oh my God I am going to die alcoholic in a ditch just from reading about it oh my God. Um like massive TRIGGER WARNINGS for his ENTIRE LIFE: alcohol abuse, terrible medical abuse, awful fucking tragedy.

[Fun fact: he was given “insulin shock” therapy for bipolar disorder at age 18 and lost most of his long-term memories. Fucking what.][Also he died of many complications but among them a fractured hip he refused medical treatment for for eight days.][Also the normally not-very-poetic Wikipedia takes the time to describe his ex-wife Jeanene performing CPR on him “screaming his name between breaths” as he died, thanks for that image!]

So uh. I had to share that, I actually couldn’t not share that. 

More cheerfully, a happy customer brought in cookies, and i am at The Time Of The Month where anything with chocolate in it goes from being mildly interesting to ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY so, here’s a GPOY: 

It was kind of terrible and kind of awesome. I… will admit to no regrets.

I made a lot of progress on the novel today since nobody was supervising me. that’s not to say i did no work, i did plenty, i just didn’t have to waste quite so much time looking busy. funny how that works. 

I have booked tomorrow off, since I’m supposed to be part-time, and I am promising to spend it cleaning my house more. If my house were clean enough, I could have people come over sometimes, and that would be nice. 

i really want to promise myself I’ll make something with my hands, though, because I get so anxious when I haven’t, and I have all these projects I’m dying to work on. So, maybe I’ll really make something. It would be so great. I would be so happy. I want to. 

I also want to finish the fucking novel though and I’m so close. I’m trying. It’s more difficult the closer you are to the end. I feel like. I don’t know. I rarely finish things so it’s hard to say. I’ve finished stuff before, though, and i know. I know! Stay strong, self.

I’m going to reblog a stupid ask meme, please ask me stupid things because it is motivational procrastination. 
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Oh gosh. I hope so. I still am not one hundred percent sure what the story I’m trying to tell actually *is*. That’s usually the last thing I figure out, though. :)
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the downside of writing such overly-long shit is that by the time you finish a chapter you have no idea what you said in the previous one

also i have a brutal sinus headache and it’s not like i’m in any less pain here than i was at work, but it’s just that here i don’t care because i’m doing what i’d rather be doing pretty much regardless, so whether there’s a dagger through the back of my eyesocket or not, i’ll be writing just the same

at work it’s just like ugh can u not and it’s impossible to maintain focus when the thing i’m focusing on is something that just doesn’t matter

which is not really possible to explain to one’s supervisor so i don’t. but. (he knows.) anyway. this chapter is twelve thousand words and won’t stop. and i feel like nothing will ever make sense again. so i’m going to bed.

“Of course,” Brenda said. She turned to Cap. “And you are?”

Cap scrambled to his feet. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Steve Rogers.” She shook his hand politely, and Lakeisha had yet another moment to think to herself that she was never ever going to be able to be as surreally poised as her mother.

“I assume, given the company, you’re that Steve Rogers after all,” Brenda said.

“I am,” he said.

“Well then,” she said. “If I’d known you were coming I’d’ve made a cake or something.”
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why ensemble casts

why do i do this to myself

coming to you live as i attempt to write a scene with four named characters and fifteen speaking OCs, one of whom is a toddler and all of whom are really fuckin’ chatty



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