Francesca, by Ezra Pound

Jul. 26th, 2017 11:36 am
runpunkrun: tree on a grassy hill against a blue sky (et in arcadia ego)
[personal profile] runpunkrun

You came in out of the night
And there were flowers in your hand,
Now you will come out of a confusion of people,
Out of a turmoil of speech about you.

I who have seen you amid the primal things
Was angry when they spoke your name
In ordinary places.
I would that the cool waves might flow over my mind,
And that the world should dry as a dead leaf,
Or as a dandelion seed-pod and be swept away,
So that I might find you again,

angry when they spoke your name )

Catching Up

Jul. 26th, 2017 08:06 am
marthawells: (Default)
[personal profile] marthawells
I went on vacation last week, first actual vacation in a long time. Me, my husband, and two friends went to Galveston Island, which is about a three hour drive away and stayed on the east beach:

We swam everyday, and stood on a sandbar over a hundred yards out in the water and looked at rainstorms out in the gulf. The water was warm in the afternoon, like a giant saltwater spa. We ate a lot of seafood and had margaritas and went out in the harbor in a little boat. It was awesome.

Then yesterday I had jury duty for traffic court, got picked, and everyone there got to tell a mean, angry, scary old white guy clearly used to controlling everything around him that yes, he did have to pay his fine just like everyone else. I don't even know how someone could be this confident in his belief that he can get away with anything, but watching him change his story and lie, and have the woman DA point out the body cam and dash cam video showing he was lying, and Judge Navarro being completely fair yet also bored and unimpressed, and effortlessly cutting off the guy's attempt to rant and swear on the stand. The Judge also made the DA skip over what was probably 20 minutes of video that didn't show anything except that the guy was a terrible person, but believe me, the jury already knew that.

I'm going to try to catch up on book rec posts, and I need to do another Raksura story for my Patreon this month. (
[personal profile] dragonlady7
via replied to your post “I got talking with my dude about how it’s silly that people expect…”

wow NOBODY IRL has read or will ever read my stuff, I share your amazement that anyone does this! my dude doesn’t read anything and I will certainly never point him to my stuff. ugh. no.

I can at least talk with my dude in somewhat abstract terms about it. “Someone is wrong on the Internet!” We have an agreement where he sometimes tells me what happened at work today, which I rarely understand although I honestly know a lot more about software development than I ought to just by exposure at this point, and sometimes I tell him what’s happening on the Internet. 

My brother-in-law got me to admit that I write fanfic, in general terms, and I feel weird that he Knows. I would probably rather die than link him.

You’re better about keeping your government name off the fannish Internet than me, though. I’ve been the same screen name way too long. And like. Watermark my photos, LOL. Oh well. I’d be easy to find, but nobody’s looking, and that suits me fine.

walburgablack replied to your post “I got talking with my dude about how it’s silly that people expect…”

I give fanfic to irl folk only very rarely and really not at all nowadays. I used to in masters, but not in undergrad and not now. My only exception is my SO, but she is (a) also fannish and (b) my writing partner for non-fannish stuff.

The whole concept of a “writing partner” is one of those things that sounds heavenly but I suspect I’d be terrible at. Writing is so lonely, but it’s kind of… for a reason; it’s messy and I’m not sure anyone really needs to see that. 
[personal profile] dragonlady7

Slow progress but I love the texture of hand-quilting so much, it’s all soft ripples and stitch variations. #flybyquilt #handquilting
[personal profile] dragonlady7
I got talking with my dude about how it’s silly that people expect that a romantic partner should share all your interests, and he was like, right, you should be your own person, and I admitted that sometimes I’m jealous of my favorite authors who have partners(husbands) who read their work and are their biggest fans, but I get that that’s not mandatory, and he said, well, right, you wouldn’t really appreciate my criticisms, since my tastes are so different from yours, and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but he perked up when I mentioned how much porn I’d been writing lately, and he was like, you know, I probably would have some reasonably meaningful feedback on that, and honestly I dunno, I write a lot of gay stuff, and stuff I don’t think he’d really be all that into, but, well, long story short I sent him a link to the most recent PWP (Yavin IVsome) and I’m now rereading it with a critical eye and kind of thinking like, hm, maybe I shouldn’t have sent him that, so, uh, anyway. It’s a bit female-gazey, now that I reread it, and maybe I’m too flowery in the descriptions, and gosh. 

… Dude and I have been together for a decade and a half, and the last thing of mine I had him read, he wanted to know why everybody had dumb names. He is Super Not Into fantasy or sci-fi stuff at all, and doesn’t read much at all but when he does, it’s contemporary stuff. He loved Nick Hornby etc. He doesn’t do drama or epic shit or any of the stuff I do.

This is almost as bad as when I told my sister my AO3 handle and linked her to a fic. It’s been like six months, she didn’t read it, I think I’m all good, but the nervousness about it… 

y’all don’t understand, I’m not out to people in RL, I don’t know anyone in person who’s basically ever read my fanfic. Some of y’all talk about, like, your mom reading your shit, and liking it, and giving you advice, and I can’t even imagine what that would be like.

I almost hope he doesn’t read it because then I can stop worrying what he won’t like about it. Ugh I’m the worst at dealing with this.
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 Sparkly and I went to see WWE live with Cube Guy. It was fantastically horrifyingly loud, which I foolishly did not expect-- "They only have music for like 60 seconds at a time when the wrestlers enter at the start of the match, the music is not the main point, it won't be loud," I thought-- well, it was loud, and also they play some of the same advertisements / previews they put on TV on the screens in the arena during breaks. 

Honestly WWE is fascinating and there are so many things to analyze about it, but I'm still kind of tired and I also had a busy day today, so I'll save that for a later date. 
[personal profile] dragonlady7
Doing some non-farm signpainting by request. Don’t bother with the burn pile, @solwhale ! This bit of offcut siding is perfect!
[personal profile] dragonlady7

nick spencer is no longer writing steve rogers or sam wilson comics thank you jeebus 🙌🏻🙌🏻
[personal profile] dragonlady7
ADHD coping trick: I own 24 pairs of scissors. I can currently find one (1).
[personal profile] dragonlady7

This shit is why there’s no way in hell I’d buy a Windows laptop even though the current Mac ones are hot garbage. Did it ask me if it could make itself unavailable for going on 45 minutes now? No, it did not ask. I’m not subjugating myself to an operating system that whimsical.

Note: it’s now been on 88% for 25 minutes.
[personal profile] dragonlady7
This shit is why there’s no way in hell I’d buy a Windows laptop even though the current Mac ones are hot garbage. Did it ask me if it could make itself unavailable for going on 45 minutes now? No, it did not ask. I’m not subjugating myself to an operating system that whimsical.
[personal profile] dragonlady7



I don’t think that people realize that when writers beg for comments it isn’t because we want our egos stroked it’s because we FEEL SO LONELY AND JUST WANT TO TALK

like if i wrote that thing I’ve been THINKING about that thing for a long time and been all locked up about it inside of my brain by myself please come and talk to me aBOUT IT?


Yesssss this! Also because it’s feedback! If someone comments on something specific in a chapter, it must have stuck out to them in either a good or a bad way and that’s something I want to know.

When I started out, fresh off a career in academia where writing was all about feedback to improve your craft and rarely about a thing to enjoy in and of itself, that was genuinely what I was looking for, yes, but now after about twenty years of writing a lot, I mostly know how to achieve the effect I want– and I don’t mean that to sound stuck-up, and it’s not that people’s responses don’t still surprise me, and that I don’t myself find meanings I didn’t know I was conveying, and such– but I just wanted to say, a lot of times it really is OP’s point. I write these things because they kind of boil up in my imagination and I have to make them. But creating things is just so lonely, and you’re so involved in your own head, in your own private reality, that it’s an enormous relief to get it out– but it’s the sharing that’s really rewarding, having it reflected back to you as it is absorbed by other minds. It eases the terrible loneliness, and refills the well that creating drains. It takes a lot out of me to make these things, and often all I get back is people’s reactions. So I kind of need them, it’s an important source of energy and inspiration. 

But, most of all, creating things is really fucking lonely. It’s a compulsion, and it’s not like I’ll stop– but if I can’t get that reaction, that reflection, I have to find some other way of refilling the void left by pulling this thing out of myself, and I’m really not sure where else I’d find that. 

I like this post better than all the other ones that are either in favor of commenting or lurking on fic etc– because this is more fundamentally true. I’m not going to stop writing just because nobody comments; I may, like a plant seeking water or sun, turn my efforts more toward areas that yield results (i.e. writing things that get more response), or I may do something else (I don’t know what!), but it’s not pettiness or a lust for fame or attention or whatever, it’s a genuine and undeniable hunger. 

It’s just so goddamn lonely, sometimes, populating made-up worlds with imagined characters. I’m making them out of myself, and it’s not harmful exactly, it’s just draining. 

This is turning into an annual ritual

Jul. 25th, 2017 12:27 pm
highlyeccentric: Sign on Little Queen St - One Way both directions (Default)
[personal profile] highlyeccentric
Or more like every 10-11 months. Guess who just bought a new computer? It me!

This time I don't think the demise of the old one is my fault - the battery was behaving weirdly on Sunday, and then yesterday at 40% power it went zoooop and wouldn't turn on again. It's still in warranty, so is being shipped back to Lenovo. In the meantime I still have work to do, so bought an itsy-bitsy teeny weenie Lenovo YogaBook, which is proving very difficult to type with (keyless keypad!) but otherwise seems like a Friend.

Naturally I hadn't made a recent file backup on the old computer, but I'm fairly sure the HD will be okay, and all my work stuff is on dropbox.
[personal profile] dragonlady7
who knew, if your writer’s block is caused by just being to exhausted and not having time to write, you can literally cure it just by sitting down at a time when you’re not exhausted and writing. amazing. and yet. can i reproduce this success?

who knows. in other news, posting that next segment of Lost Kings kind of jarred loose the fact that I’ve actually got 8500 words already written of the last-last chapter of the Home in the Wind epilogue, including, and I forgot I did this, the entirely-finished scene of Kes and Leia that I was working on when Carrie Fisher passed, and wished was done enough to post as a kind of tribute to her. I finished it and forgot I finished it. So anyhow, that chapter’s about done. I did not write the tenderly erotic scene where Rey shaves Poe’s face, but that does not preclude it being a flashback later. It’s all an excuse for Poe to have a moustache in all of the Yavin IV post-epilogue snippets that I doubt I’ll polish but I’ll definitely put up as atmospheric little extras. 

yes that moustache. Kes doesn’t like it, to put it mildly.

“Thank you, Commander Obvious,” Kes said, sketching him a sarcastic salute. “You know, it’s hard to hear you over that moustache.”
[personal profile] dragonlady7



When someone is really freaking mad at me for inducing an emotional response from them

when readers give me a background of how/when they read my writing

when readers give me a background of why they shouldn’t have been reading my writing (usually while at work)

when readers quote my work back to me in comments

the frickin’ real heroes here, the ones who comment on every chapter of an ongoing multi-chapter fic

This is such a useful list because it gives some nice thoughts to consider while reviewing fic - I never could tell if some of the things here were annoying to writers or not, but judging by the notes it’s all good!


monday list

Jul. 24th, 2017 11:28 am
runpunkrun: combat boot, pizza, camo pants = punk  (punk rock girl)
[personal profile] runpunkrun
Things to do today:
  • make granola
  • take a shower
  • read Star Trek fic
Things I already did:
  • made appointment for eyeballs!
  • ate breakfast!
Things I probably won't do:
  • figure out how to finish this fic
  • work with me here Rodney
  • you've had three years
  • stop mooning around on the sidewalk
  • and end this
  • or I swear to god I'll set fire to everything you love
  • I'll do it
  • fire is much easier to write than a happy ending
  • ask anyone
[personal profile] dragonlady7
Having reliable Internet again, I pushed an update in the Lost Kings series. 

Long-Distance Connection, in which Poe is very tiny and Shara and Kes get to speak, finally. 

“Oh,” Kes said, “don’t worry on my account, it was mostly a personal call.” He actually hadn’t made very many planet-to-planet holocalls like that, they were fantastically expensive, so he wasn’t sure what the actual terms and conditions usually were. 

And then he remembered an old grifter’s trick from one of the sodden messes of humanity he’d dormed with on some godforsaken spaceport, who had told a lot of entertaining stories. Overload them with personal information. He tugged the little holochip-viewer thingy he carried everywhere out of his inner shirt pocket, and beamed at them. “I was talking to my baby!” He toggled it on, and the holo they’d sent him of Poe came up, tiny and wrinkly and squinting and about two days old. It was the only thing on the holochip. He had no other identifying markings or documents– except for the chip the Shozer had just given him back, clearly so that she wouldn’t have it if they searched.

It worked. “Oh, uh, wow,” said one of the Stormtroopers– did they have babies? Was there parental leave for Stormtroopers? Did that mean they had sex lives?– backing up a little awkwardly. Kes was too distraught to let himself think more about it.
[personal profile] dragonlady7


kes dameron, the captain america of space



Everyday stuff

Jul. 23rd, 2017 10:40 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 I've had a bit more free time recently, it feels like, so I've been going back to some online housekeeping things that I've been neglecting. I've finished up a few changes I was meaning to make to my Tumblr theme (making each post's tags visible on the main page) and earlier today I went through my "lace reads" tag here and added some more consistent author / series tags to the posts about things I'm reading. 



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