I have bipolar mood disorder and I get worried that I’m too reliant on my medication especially if the dosage goes up
Then I realized
NEUROTYPICAL PEOPLE ARE JUST AS RELIANT on the neurochemicals in my medication, it’s just that their bodies produce it and mine doesn’t, it’s not that I’m a bad person and idk this realization seems to have really helped me understand and not feel so bad about it?
#if you can’t make your own neurotransmitters storebought is fine
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
My experience of this, though, is that access to healthcare is such a tenuous thing, liable to be cut off or become unaffordable at any time, that any medication you develop a dependency on is a frightening liability, because you never know when you’re going to have to cold-turkey off of it.
So, while on the one hand, I’ve managed to accept that using medication to achieve normalcy is morally correct, and so on, I still can’t stop being constantly worried that even if I finally find a medication that’ll fix my problems, it’ll still suck donkey balls to abruptly have to get off it. The kind you can cut in half and taper off is less sucky, but the last time this happened to me I was on something in time-release capsules or whatever, so I couldn’t cut it in half, and I had brain zaps for almost two weeks and it was a living hell.
So like. Yes, if you can’t make your own neurotransmitters, storebought is fine, but you can’t just buy those anywhere, and they’re not cheap.
So I gotta do the calculus, beyond the normal “will this shit do anything at all for me?” that already goes into mental health medication [intermittent bonus surprise answer: wow this makes everything way way worse and your followup is three more weeks out, what do?!], of “does this shit help my anxiety enough to make up for my anxiety about what’ll happen when I abruptly have to do without?”
I know that theoretically somewhere out in the world there are people who have their shit together enough that they always know they’ll be able to see a doctor when they want to, but I’ve spent my entire adult life not really sure of being able to access any kind of consistent medical care, so this isn’t one of those cases of my anxiety coming up with disasters– no, this is repeatedly-lived experience.