Mar. 29th, 2017

I’ll try the website, I think it hasn’t really properly placed me at an appropriate spot for my level of fluency yet. I mean, making it so I can do all of it without thinking is good motivation I guess, but it hasn’t introduced me to anything new yet, except I think by accident. (There was a sentence that I translated by process of elimination that seems to have taught me that “to take on the back” means the same thing as “to begin”? but I couldn’t verify it since there’s no explanation, it was just that there was no other word that would fit in the puzzle, and I know espalda is back.)

Well, rec me some movies, I don’t mind! I gotta start somewhere.

millicentthecat replied to your post: self-improvement

I have the spanish duolingo too but I’m not nearly 2% fluent yet. This post is an inspiring reminder tho

Add me! I’m apparently… uh… bridget942, which I definitely didn’t tell it to make me but like, whatever. 

That goes for anybody really, I don’t know what it means to add someone on DuoLingo but I’ll definitely give it a shot, anything is more rewarding with spectators, I guess!
Hey do you like Poe Dameron and Kes Dameron and want to know more about the Dameron-Bey household? You should read this fic then. 

Curse The Stars, by sugarspiceandcursewords, on AO3. 12k words, Kes POV, set at the beginning of TFA.

When you are twenty-five years old and the structures of justice have faltered before your eyes, you fight. It isn’t necessarily one thing, one moment, that pushes you into the battle, but when you make the choice you are certain. There are others who are certain, and they have friends, and resources, scant though they are. You are galvanized by the strength of your convictions, and they sustain you through operations that test your physical limits as well as choices that test your emotional and moral ones.

But after months and years of war, always looking over your shoulder, always having three contingency plans, eventually it’s no longer really about the future of the galaxy. It’s about the people beside you, cut down in twos and threes and sometimes tens, about protecting them as best you can. It’s about the pilot in the orange-striped A-wing who is too good to be beaten, and too strong to be beaten down, and too beautiful and smart for any words with which you could try to capture her. It’s about the amazing, perfect child you’ve made together, who knows nothing of the Empire but also knows nothing of freedom or safety.

And when the blasters fall silent at last, you seize that fragile peace with both hands, less because you are confident in its permanence and its virtue than because you have so little left to give of yourself. You make a new life with your luminous wife and bright-eyed son, and you spend years just catching your breath, learning how to sleep easy.

And the Force scorns you for a fool.
replied to your photo “Dove, that’s just not sound medical advice. #lunchblogging”

OH I’ve had so many conversations about these with ad people! The candies tell people to feel good and then reward them with chocolate..which is like, Pavlovian conditioning? Except all of the commands are so absurdly twee that people get really resistant and irritated like, “NO THANKS, CANDY” & social media mocking ensues. Which is either a backfire or part of the plan IDEK

Did you see when I had a whole box of candy that my sister gave me and she interspersed it with fortune-cookie-style spoofs of the original Dove mottoes? Maybe not, it was the Christmas before last. 

I had a great streak of ones that were, like, the same theme as the authentic Dove ones. (I rationed them out, so I could only open them when I opened a real chocolate, so I didn’t just sit there and read them all.)
meanwhile i play a game with myself with the next update for the Lost Kings, which is, is this really not ready and in need of more polishing or am i just postponing it because i’m afraid it won’t be received well, with a bonus round of if you’ve fallen behind on answering comments on everything else then nobody will leave new comments, and the lightning round of either your readership is low because the story’s completely uninteresting or your readership is low because you’re Problematic and nobody wants to be the one to tell you because you’ll take it badly so instead nobody’s saying anything, will you take a fucking hint and get over yourself already

jazz hands!
via replied to your post “self-improvement”

I like Duolingo a lot, but I use the browser, which is much more workbook-like: there’s two-way translation exercises and dictation, plus some “pick the image with the right word” stuff to learn initial vocabulary. I think it’s great for relearning a language, although picking up a totally new one has been a struggle. (I should work harder. That’s probably the first step.)

Yeah, I just did a lesson in the browser. It’s sort of… I dunno, I went and opened another window to look up verb conjugation charts for some of the irregular verbs that I imagine it would have taught me if I hadn’t tested out of them, because I don’t remember, because it has been twenty years. But I guess it’s fair that it’s trying to teach me things via context, that’s useful in terms of learning as opposed to memorization or puzzle-out-filling. 

I’m coming around to it, I guess– I get that the point is that you interact regularly with it so it shakes all the rust off and makes you some more neural pathways.

I should pick up Greek, I studied that for a much shorter period of time… but no, focus. I need focus in my life, so I’m focusing. 
via replied to your post “meanwhile i play a game with myself with the next update for the Lost…”

Let me just mention, then, that I have both parts of the Face-Punch series on both my home computer and my tablet, because I’ve been reading and re-reading it for amusement and comfort both, starting when I really needed a distraction from helping a friend through their medical care issues. I was spending a lot of time in waiting rooms trying not to freak out too badly, and your work was a great help.

*cries* Well, thank you for telling me, I’m glad it served its purpose of entertainment and diversion. 

I almost finished Facepunch, too! I almost did. I’m so close. I just, I got myself in a corner on that last chapter and then I lost faith in my story idea and sort of grossed myself out. I think I cut too close to the id on it. (Natasha was attempting to gruesomely lure whassname the Nazi into her non-corporeal form. It was gross. I have completely forgotten the Nazi’s name now, wtf. Solo. Zolas. Whatsit.) 

There would have been a phenomenal comeuppance, though. I hadn’t worked out the details, precisely. Zola! Arnim Zola. Sheesh. 

But I mean. It’s unfinished but there’s like, a great 150k story in it, and then I go off the rails for another 50k and learn some valuable lessons about plot. :/ 

One of these days I’m going to psych myself up and reread it. 

And there’s a PWP sequel with Bucky and Steve that I wrote like. Oh christ. like 15k of at least. Guh, there’s so much of that series that I just didn’t actually make work. 
sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post: meanwhile i play a game with myself with the next…

In the history of the Internet, has something even a little bit Problematic ever been met with silence? I strongly suspect it’s not that people aren’t reading or enjoying; it’s that people are either apathetic about commenting or simply using all their mental bandwidth to get through the day.

These are good points. No, it’s not that there’s high traffic and low engagement, it’s just low traffic. I think it’s that I’ve veered off into writing fics that are mostly OCs in a corner of a less-prominent fandom, and as it is people are hesitant to read epics, but when you add in that it’s mostly obscure characters, it’s perfectly understandable that people are going to #1, not search for those tags in the first place, #2 click in and see how long the fucking thing is and nope out, or #3 start reading and realize it’s all OCs and not actually what they read fanfic for.

But, no, you’re right, there’s probably not an anonymous thread on some messageboard somewhere full of people discussing how That Lady is fucking At It Again. 

Well. Probably not.

But my jerkbrain is as fertile and active as my regular making-stuff-up brain, so. I can’t entirely discount the possibility. 
Bruh I was going to go to bed two hours ago you’re trying to kill me?
sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post “sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post: …”

Yeah, I guess I live in blissful ignorance of what constitutes high traffic. I probably should not seek enlightenment on that front.

Oh I mean like– like I’d know, on any kind of meaningful level. I just mean, for me, and grant that my previous experiences (since I came back to fandom after a long hiatus of just not writing…) have been as a prolific writer and frequent serial updater in, first, a smallish and hungry old fandom with a ton of residual lurkers and not much new activity to feed them plus a really active rec community, and then second, as a prolific and frequent updater in an extremely high-traffic fandom with a powerhouse pairing. Every fandom is different, and every fic is different within that fandom, but I made the mistake of mentally setting my “normal” bar while writing everyone’s OTP in a huge fandom. You’d think I’d’ve learned by now that the traffic had nothing to do with the fic’s quality and everything to do with the pairing’s popularity, but my brain is extremely talented at using good things for bad purposes.

And when I was first updating HoitW the fandom was still pretty new so there were people still searching the tags and such. And, I was writing the then-hottest pairing. (Believe it or not there wasn’t really any Kylux yet when I started putting that story up. I know right?) Also, though, and this is tremendous, I know I had a ton of readers come over who weren’t in the fandom because they’d read other things of mine. And that’s a tremendous honor it’s impossible to overstate. I know how much I can like an author and still scroll on by when they post something in a fandom I don’t know– so every time a familiar face shows up in the comments, that’s huge. I shouldn’t understate that at all. And I feel bad for complaining but the brainweasels are so, so compelling, and I’ve been squashing them for a long time and I’ve found sometimes you just have to put their bullshit out and let it be exposed to the actual light of people reading it, and it takes a lot of their power away, you know? So I hope I’m not alienating anyone by complaining.

I mean. There’s no tactics to ensure success. (I mean, there are, apparently, if you’re EL James, she marketed the fuck out of herself and go her.) But there are a ton of factors irrespective of the actual quality of a story that will get it readership, and I gotta chill about that. 

Because, at the end of the day, writing a story you’re pleased with is what success really is, not how many clicks or kudos or comments or recs you get. Of course. It’s just really hard to tell if a story you’re pleased with is any good; I feel like a lot of us suffer from lack of perspective about that sort of thing. 

And I know, if I read something that Does Not Work for me, I’m likely to behave in an indistinguishable fashion from how I behave when I read something that does– I might even kudos a fic I don’t really like, if I support what the author was going for even if their execution rubbed me the wrong way. A fic has to really offend me before I’d say something, directly or indirectly. So my instinct, if I’m reading someone’s meta and they’re saying “I wish a fic like this existed” and it really sounds like what I wrote, it’s super hard for me to be like “but I wrote that” because there’s always this awkward doubt, that they know I wrote that, and what I wrote was not what they wanted, but nobody wants to be the one to say that. You know? Anyway.

There’s my social awkwardness all splayed out in the sunshine, let’s hope that dries some of it up, I guess, LOL. 
There are tons of little splintered movements around, and I am forever anxious that I am missing them. I am not the best fandom participant! This is a thing that I know about myself. I’m old as hell and set in my ways and I know that I’m not going to spontaneously grow the ability to get good at shit I’m terrible at. There are some things I can work to improve, but like yarncrafting, some things I know I’m better off focusing on other stuff and not trying to attain. (Could I learn to crochet? Probably. Should I focus instead on improving as an embroiderer? Almost definitely, I’ve invested a ton in materials and have a lot of ideas. Could I become a decent fic reccer/ community curator? Maybe. Should I perhaps focus instead on writing epics, which I can already do? Probably, because that’s taken me decades to get decent at!) 

I just feel like in Star Wars especially we have a ton of creators, and not a ton of curators! Maybe it’s a function of the size of the fandom, maybe it’s that there are a ton of casuals (I say this as a value-neutral thing; literally everyone knows what Star Wars is, and so it’s a much shallower gradient than, say, a ten-year-old TV show, where if you even know what it is you’re way ahead of the average person) and so the barrier to entry is super low and it takes a heavy investment before a non-creator feels any kind of investment in the fan community? Maybe? Something like that?

My point is, I’m almost exclusively seeing creator-driven communities, which is fine, but there’s kind of a divide there, where there winds up being an emphasis on self-reccing, which is again fine, but not as useful as the deeply-into-curation-types, who are more likely to be able to give you more specific recs based on multiple criteria. And again– value-neutral, but it’s a thing.

But, of course, and my motivation in making the post, was my nagging doubt that there are great curation-style communities and listservs and things out there, that I’m not seeing and not intersecting with. Normally in any fandom I do a bunch of reading before I start doing any writing, but I didn’t do that with this one, and I’ve been so absorbed in writing that I haven’t read much of anything at all, so i’ve really missed out, and also have no idea what’s been done.

Anyway. I’ll look for more stuff, I really will, I’m just eyeball-deep in WIPs and a bit lost and frazzled. 

(Also we’re getting into the Spending Time At The Farm part of the season, when I go from spending my entire life online to signing onto the Internet in a long, drawn-out process about once a day for like twenty minutes, so. I’m not about to get any better at keeping up with the trends.) 
Ha my real name is not really a secret on here but events of today in national news have further ensured that I will never ever ever show up I’m Google. It’s a mixed blessing, having a distinctive but common name.
#bodhi rook#rogue one#i hope to read a million little cassian/bodhi fics about that meeting through the cell window#bring them on#rogue one spoilers
Reblogging with my own tags months later: I haven’t seen even one little fic about that scene! have I missed out?? Rec me!!!
via replied to your post “Ha my real name is not really a secret on here but events of today in…”

I am avoiding the news because Too Depressing. Him Indoors has been having the piss taken by German work colleagues today. I am also ungoogleable, though I believe I’m the only one of me worldwide. It’s just a *stupid* name.

oh I can’t stomach the international news at all. My heart goes out to y’all. I’m super bummed. I was in Scotland during the vote on getting their own parliament, and am watching with glee to see how that shakes out. You fucking go, Nicola Sturgeon. 

I’m just talking about how someone with my legal name has been embroiled in a political scandal, is all. It’s a little jarring, because for some reason people keep writing it in all caps and I don’t know why. 

Also, unfunny old men think it’s hilarious to ask me about this political scandal I honestly know nothing about, and I need to come up with a better retort. 

It’s not even a good political scandal. 
via replied to your post “Ha my real name is not really a secret on here but events of today in…”

lol my real name’s not particularly rare and I picked an overused and vague fandom name on purpose and have ensured there’s no overlap between the two on any platform. Good luck googlers!

Pff I’ve taken zero precautions and have frequently posted links to other social media accounts i hold with my real name, and frequently crosspost images and distinctive text captions across multiple platforms. And link directly to, for example, my sister’s farm, the address of which is naturally prominently listed, and my name’s in all the photo credits. Sometimes I post images here I’ve sold or posted elsewhere, that are watermarked with my name. So there’s absolutely zero mystery as to who I am. I just know that nobody’s going to randomly find me by name. 

I’ve never been good about Internet security; I’ve always had pseuds that I wasn’t careful about, and I’d self-talk with my real name all the time. And like. Christie doesn’t have that many aides going to jail today. I’m not subtle.

I’m also boring as fuck, though, so there’s that. 



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