via replied to your post “I got talking with my dude about how it’s silly that people expect…”

wow NOBODY IRL has read or will ever read my stuff, I share your amazement that anyone does this! my dude doesn’t read anything and I will certainly never point him to my stuff. ugh. no.

I can at least talk with my dude in somewhat abstract terms about it. “Someone is wrong on the Internet!” We have an agreement where he sometimes tells me what happened at work today, which I rarely understand although I honestly know a lot more about software development than I ought to just by exposure at this point, and sometimes I tell him what’s happening on the Internet. 

My brother-in-law got me to admit that I write fanfic, in general terms, and I feel weird that he Knows. I would probably rather die than link him.

You’re better about keeping your government name off the fannish Internet than me, though. I’ve been the same screen name way too long. And like. Watermark my photos, LOL. Oh well. I’d be easy to find, but nobody’s looking, and that suits me fine.

walburgablack replied to your post “I got talking with my dude about how it’s silly that people expect…”

I give fanfic to irl folk only very rarely and really not at all nowadays. I used to in masters, but not in undergrad and not now. My only exception is my SO, but she is (a) also fannish and (b) my writing partner for non-fannish stuff.

The whole concept of a “writing partner” is one of those things that sounds heavenly but I suspect I’d be terrible at. Writing is so lonely, but it’s kind of… for a reason; it’s messy and I’m not sure anyone really needs to see that. 

Slow progress but I love the texture of hand-quilting so much, it’s all soft ripples and stitch variations. #flybyquilt #handquilting
I got talking with my dude about how it’s silly that people expect that a romantic partner should share all your interests, and he was like, right, you should be your own person, and I admitted that sometimes I’m jealous of my favorite authors who have partners(husbands) who read their work and are their biggest fans, but I get that that’s not mandatory, and he said, well, right, you wouldn’t really appreciate my criticisms, since my tastes are so different from yours, and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but he perked up when I mentioned how much porn I’d been writing lately, and he was like, you know, I probably would have some reasonably meaningful feedback on that, and honestly I dunno, I write a lot of gay stuff, and stuff I don’t think he’d really be all that into, but, well, long story short I sent him a link to the most recent PWP (Yavin IVsome) and I’m now rereading it with a critical eye and kind of thinking like, hm, maybe I shouldn’t have sent him that, so, uh, anyway. It’s a bit female-gazey, now that I reread it, and maybe I’m too flowery in the descriptions, and gosh. 

… Dude and I have been together for a decade and a half, and the last thing of mine I had him read, he wanted to know why everybody had dumb names. He is Super Not Into fantasy or sci-fi stuff at all, and doesn’t read much at all but when he does, it’s contemporary stuff. He loved Nick Hornby etc. He doesn’t do drama or epic shit or any of the stuff I do.

This is almost as bad as when I told my sister my AO3 handle and linked her to a fic. It’s been like six months, she didn’t read it, I think I’m all good, but the nervousness about it… 

y’all don’t understand, I’m not out to people in RL, I don’t know anyone in person who’s basically ever read my fanfic. Some of y’all talk about, like, your mom reading your shit, and liking it, and giving you advice, and I can’t even imagine what that would be like.

I almost hope he doesn’t read it because then I can stop worrying what he won’t like about it. Ugh I’m the worst at dealing with this.
Doing some non-farm signpainting by request. Don’t bother with the burn pile, @solwhale ! This bit of offcut siding is perfect!

nick spencer is no longer writing steve rogers or sam wilson comics thank you jeebus 🙌🏻🙌🏻
ADHD coping trick: I own 24 pairs of scissors. I can currently find one (1).

This shit is why there’s no way in hell I’d buy a Windows laptop even though the current Mac ones are hot garbage. Did it ask me if it could make itself unavailable for going on 45 minutes now? No, it did not ask. I’m not subjugating myself to an operating system that whimsical.

Note: it’s now been on 88% for 25 minutes.
This shit is why there’s no way in hell I’d buy a Windows laptop even though the current Mac ones are hot garbage. Did it ask me if it could make itself unavailable for going on 45 minutes now? No, it did not ask. I’m not subjugating myself to an operating system that whimsical.



I don’t think that people realize that when writers beg for comments it isn’t because we want our egos stroked it’s because we FEEL SO LONELY AND JUST WANT TO TALK

like if i wrote that thing I’ve been THINKING about that thing for a long time and been all locked up about it inside of my brain by myself please come and talk to me aBOUT IT?


Yesssss this! Also because it’s feedback! If someone comments on something specific in a chapter, it must have stuck out to them in either a good or a bad way and that’s something I want to know.

When I started out, fresh off a career in academia where writing was all about feedback to improve your craft and rarely about a thing to enjoy in and of itself, that was genuinely what I was looking for, yes, but now after about twenty years of writing a lot, I mostly know how to achieve the effect I want– and I don’t mean that to sound stuck-up, and it’s not that people’s responses don’t still surprise me, and that I don’t myself find meanings I didn’t know I was conveying, and such– but I just wanted to say, a lot of times it really is OP’s point. I write these things because they kind of boil up in my imagination and I have to make them. But creating things is just so lonely, and you’re so involved in your own head, in your own private reality, that it’s an enormous relief to get it out– but it’s the sharing that’s really rewarding, having it reflected back to you as it is absorbed by other minds. It eases the terrible loneliness, and refills the well that creating drains. It takes a lot out of me to make these things, and often all I get back is people’s reactions. So I kind of need them, it’s an important source of energy and inspiration. 

But, most of all, creating things is really fucking lonely. It’s a compulsion, and it’s not like I’ll stop– but if I can’t get that reaction, that reflection, I have to find some other way of refilling the void left by pulling this thing out of myself, and I’m really not sure where else I’d find that. 

I like this post better than all the other ones that are either in favor of commenting or lurking on fic etc– because this is more fundamentally true. I’m not going to stop writing just because nobody comments; I may, like a plant seeking water or sun, turn my efforts more toward areas that yield results (i.e. writing things that get more response), or I may do something else (I don’t know what!), but it’s not pettiness or a lust for fame or attention or whatever, it’s a genuine and undeniable hunger. 

It’s just so goddamn lonely, sometimes, populating made-up worlds with imagined characters. I’m making them out of myself, and it’s not harmful exactly, it’s just draining. 
who knew, if your writer’s block is caused by just being to exhausted and not having time to write, you can literally cure it just by sitting down at a time when you’re not exhausted and writing. amazing. and yet. can i reproduce this success?

who knows. in other news, posting that next segment of Lost Kings kind of jarred loose the fact that I’ve actually got 8500 words already written of the last-last chapter of the Home in the Wind epilogue, including, and I forgot I did this, the entirely-finished scene of Kes and Leia that I was working on when Carrie Fisher passed, and wished was done enough to post as a kind of tribute to her. I finished it and forgot I finished it. So anyhow, that chapter’s about done. I did not write the tenderly erotic scene where Rey shaves Poe’s face, but that does not preclude it being a flashback later. It’s all an excuse for Poe to have a moustache in all of the Yavin IV post-epilogue snippets that I doubt I’ll polish but I’ll definitely put up as atmospheric little extras. 

yes that moustache. Kes doesn’t like it, to put it mildly.

“Thank you, Commander Obvious,” Kes said, sketching him a sarcastic salute. “You know, it’s hard to hear you over that moustache.”



When someone is really freaking mad at me for inducing an emotional response from them

when readers give me a background of how/when they read my writing

when readers give me a background of why they shouldn’t have been reading my writing (usually while at work)

when readers quote my work back to me in comments

the frickin’ real heroes here, the ones who comment on every chapter of an ongoing multi-chapter fic

This is such a useful list because it gives some nice thoughts to consider while reviewing fic - I never could tell if some of the things here were annoying to writers or not, but judging by the notes it’s all good!

Having reliable Internet again, I pushed an update in the Lost Kings series. 

Long-Distance Connection, in which Poe is very tiny and Shara and Kes get to speak, finally. 

“Oh,” Kes said, “don’t worry on my account, it was mostly a personal call.” He actually hadn’t made very many planet-to-planet holocalls like that, they were fantastically expensive, so he wasn’t sure what the actual terms and conditions usually were. 

And then he remembered an old grifter’s trick from one of the sodden messes of humanity he’d dormed with on some godforsaken spaceport, who had told a lot of entertaining stories. Overload them with personal information. He tugged the little holochip-viewer thingy he carried everywhere out of his inner shirt pocket, and beamed at them. “I was talking to my baby!” He toggled it on, and the holo they’d sent him of Poe came up, tiny and wrinkly and squinting and about two days old. It was the only thing on the holochip. He had no other identifying markings or documents– except for the chip the Shozer had just given him back, clearly so that she wouldn’t have it if they searched.

It worked. “Oh, uh, wow,” said one of the Stormtroopers– did they have babies? Was there parental leave for Stormtroopers? Did that mean they had sex lives?– backing up a little awkwardly. Kes was too distraught to let himself think more about it.


kes dameron, the captain america of space


This is the end of the King of the Hill theme song, mid-"wa-hoo!"
Roger Clyne and Nick Scropos (foreground)
Opening band-- that's the bassist's hair. She had the least hair of any of them besides the drummer, background. I don't know what the singer is doing, she was out of my field of view except her arm.
Roger Clyne and Jim Dalton
intermission: everyone was on their phones. this is my dude's hand.
Clyne, lyricizing or expounding
a very psyched front row
opening band, hair in motion
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers, Canandaigua NY, 7/22/2017

Jocelyn and Chris Arndt were the opening band. Most of my photos of them were of their hair. They had a lot of hair. 

The opening-opening band was called the Lawbreakers, and it was actually… just the Peacemakers sans Roger Clyne. They were pretty good. The bassist read all his chord changes off an iPad propped on his mic stand; they’d lost their other opener three days previous so they’d pulled a set together for the hell of it, but apart from the iPad you wouldn’t really have known; Jim Dalton wrote all the songs and sang ‘em and they were pretty great. More straight-ahead country than the Peacemakers, but the kind of country that’s got titles like “I Love The Shit Out Of You” (a sappy love song) and “She Only Calls My Booty When She’s Drinkin’” (a less sappy love song), and a song about being the kind of friend who bails your pal out of jail every weekend and such. I dunno, is that Western as opposted to Country? Something like that.

 This was day 52 of them being on a national tour and they were all pretty punchy, but seemed to really enjoy this show. It helped that the venue was the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant with a great tequila selection, and the other sponsor was a brewing company with quite nice beer. 

I used my trusty D7100 and only bothered hauling in two lenses, a Sigma 17-50mm f/2.8 and a Nikkor 85mm f/1.8. For some reason my autofocus wouldn’t let me move the selected point in single-point mode, despite the relevant button working for other things. Late in the last set, the autofocus stopped working entirely, in any mode. I’d been manual-focusing the 85 most of the night, since single-point wasn’t working and auto-select always picks the closest thing and without fail gives you a tack-sharp mic stand and blurry band, but from then on I had to manual-focus the 17-50 too, and zoom lenses usually aren’t well designed for that, so I just switched back to the 85 and gave up on any wide-angle shots. 

I’m gonna have to get that camera looked at. The upside is, I work at the repair shop; the downside is, I work at the repair shop and it’s usually me doing the troubleshooting, so I already tried all my usual tricks which means I’m probably going to have to send it in, and Nikon’s repair department is a tire fire. So, not hopeful on that.

But, manual focus isn’t the worst thing in the world for concerts, I guess. I did okay. 
ok skin, it’s not cute, the eczema and the hives have extended into… tiny bumps? are these heat rash? why do i have them on my hands? also random patches of this on my legs showed up today and i have not gone outside so it is not the sun?

can i take Benadryl for this? It’s both arms, shoulder to fingers, patches on both thighs (but not where they’d rub together or anything, just random patches), and the back of my neck, and it’s not hives or eczema for the most part (hives on upper arms, eczema inside elbows), so i’ve lost track of what it could possibly even be and i don’t know.

at least it only itches in a couple of places. (That’s how I know which ones are hives.)

I hate this, I hate all of it, and I don’t know what to do about it. The primary care physician they assigned me can’t see me even for an emergency until November, I can’t go to Urgent Care or it won’t be covered, and the place I’m trying to get in with a primary care physician instead doesn’t have anyone doing scheduling stuff on a Sunday and they’re not going to be able to see me right away anyway either, nobody can. 

[timeline reminder: march is when i found out my health insurance had lapsed as of december. i completed my reapplication and was accepted, deemed eligible as of april, but not enrolled until june, and the insurance company waited until a couple weeks of june had passed to send me anything, and the first thing they sent me was a letter saying “since you didn’t pick one, we assigned you a random PCP who is the only person you can see and everything else needs a referral!” “Surprise she can’t see you either!” was the followup when I immediately called her.]

Ughhhhhh sorry I just had to vent. I have to wait for tomorrow and start calling around to see if anyone can take me in as a new patient and see me, like, this year. Before the hives actually kill me. Which they might.

… Remember when we had the luxury of complaining about the ACA? Because the fact that I have any coverage at all, any hope at all, is because of the ACA– my company couldn’t afford health insurance for its full-time employees anymore, premiums had gone up so steeply again and again and again, and it was getting to the point where there just weren’t any plans available. 

What we need is a full top-to-bottom reform of the healthcare system, and I worry because of course, it’s a huge industry and I have friends and family working in all areas of it. Transitioning it away from being a profit-focused behemoth monstrosity won’t be easy but I would have said it was the only choice, going forward. But no! No, apparently there’s always the choice of destroying the economy and casting millions of people into despair and possibly death, thanks GOP, I hadn’t actually seen that coming as a serious option.

Sigh. I mean, I’m just venting. I don’t know, maybe I’ll try Benadryl. What have I got to lose? In my uninsured days I did a lot of that, pick a medication that might knock you out so that you can hopefully sleep through the worst of whatever’s wrong with you, and either wake up healed or, I don’t know. It was not fun even then but it was cuter when I was in my 20s. 

There are some people who really seem to think the only true “heroism” is picking up a gun to defend your imperialist state.
welp. my queue’s gone empty again, so much for that. my ears are ringing a lil bit. but i’m safe at home! and we have new blinds at home, that’s really something. i’m ashamed to admit i noticed first that the whole room had been cleaned, and only after a moment’s shock did it strike me that it was because the blind installers came. and the blinds are lovely but now they’re like, nice, and literally nothing else in the room or house is nice at all, in like, a grown-up fashion, and so, uh, we probably ought to, uh, nice up the rest of the place a bit… well, baby steps. 

Anyhow. Drove back from Troy last night, and stopped off in Canandaigua, NY, which is a bit east of Rochester– about 75 miles east of Buffalo– to go to a concert. Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers is a band that, about 20 years ago, my dude’s and my mutual roommate introduced us both to, so there’s some deep cuts of history. We’re not like, superfans, but in the last 20 years, whenever we’ve noticed there’s a concert, we’ve gone, because they do a really good show. (I’ve nattered on about them here before, I’m sure, and I remember when they put out a live album earlier this year I gushed about it because it was a really great live album.) They played in Buffalo but it was on Tuesday, and that was when I was busy slaughtering chickens, so. 

This was a weird out-of-order stop for them, in a weird little city (pop 10k) off the normal routes for any national tours. But it turns out, the reason is that there’s a brewery in that town that’s named for them, and has a bunch of beers named after various of their songs, and so had asked them if they could come, and they obliged. I was wondering what on earth this was going to be like, since the venue was literally the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant– but it turns out, they fenced it off, put in a bunch of tents, and then literally hundreds of people showed up and it was an astonishingly good show. 

[I managed to get right up against the stage on one side, and a bunch of obnoxious-loud superfans came up next to me during the main thing, and I discovered that the best part of superfans is that they interact with the band, and so the band turns and looks right at you, so if you’re trying to take pictures, you get good ones. I gotta get my camera out and look at them, but there’s an ongoing saga of my serial numbers not working on my repaired computer, so I can’t edit photos, which is why I haven’t downloaded the ones from Canada a month ago yet either… anyway. I got some nice shots and had a great time taking them.]

The only downside? At 11pm sharp, half the town called the cops because I’m sure the noise was obnoxious, and a city official called the restaurant and said they had to shut down, and so the band couldn’t do the long encore they wanted to. They managed to play just one more song, on the police’s forbearance– as it happens, the song that a little boy in the crowd had been holding up a sign begging them to play, so– and Roger said, very earnestly, “This has been so much fun, and they’ve asked us to do it again, and you know what, next time we won’t fuck around so much and we’ll start earlier so we’ve got time for the long encore.” Which would be cool, and I’d make a point of attending, but it would especially be cool because 75 miles is a long way to drive starting at 11:30 pm. 

But we made it home in our separate cars, and my ears are only ringing a little bit. So I’m back in Buffalo for a week and my cat slept on my face this morning for a while, and all is good. 

A post shared by Bridget Kelly (@bomberqueen17) on Jul 22, 2017 at 7:59pm PDT

My favorite part of my favorite power ballad. Believe it or not this is one of the standby lullabies for Farmbaby. (at Rio Tomatlan)

A post shared by Bridget Kelly (@bomberqueen17) on Jul 22, 2017 at 7:18pm PDT

The shot of the crowd didn’t come out but this place is jammed. This is a huge show. Who knew, Canandaigua?! (at Rio Tomatlan)



July 2017

2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26272829


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 06:46 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios